#man i never remember what to tag these non-review posts as
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linda's tumblr wrapped 2024
Yes, finally a face reveal in my simple banner lol.
I want to thank @shadowkoo for tagging me in her wrapped 2024 and figured that I should do one as well~ I want to say thank you to all my readers, followers, friends and the folks that have liked, commented and reblog any of my fics. It means alot to me that there are folks reading my works and liking them and encouraging me to continue writing. I love you all and thank you for a wonderful 2024! 💚
Here's to 2025 being a bright, happy and positive year and I hope you'll be there to join me again~ 🥂
⟡ 2024 fic stats ⟡
number of fics posted: 56 (lord, i posted alot)
number of fics in progress: 12
⟡ most popular fics of 2024 ⟡
no clue - first place, 2,006 notes
posted: july 30th
pairing: jaehyun x f.reader (nct)
wordcount: 11.9k
readers review
↳ “this is so hot🥵🔥” - @peachytokki
————
baby on board… again - second place, 1,686 notes
posted: aug. 27
pairing: jaehyun x f.reader (nct)
wordcount: 6.4k
readers review
↳ “Omg! The best ever 😭😭😭🤍🤍 love the wholesomeness and sexiness! Truly the best, love your writing.” - @hisunflower
↳ "*sigh. i miss my non-existent husband😮💨" - @chuckychangmin
↳ “I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE DAD!JAEHYUN OMG😭😭😭🩷” @luv4jeno
————
behind closed doors - third place, 876 notes
posted: oct. 13
pairing: seonghwa x f.reader (ateez)
wordcount: 6k
readers review
↳ “Linda, count your days. This was so good wtf!!!! Your writing style never ceases to amaze me! In this fic, I love the dynamic between the reader and Seonghwa. It doesn't feel like they are just there with each other just for sex. It's hard to portray that in smuts sometimes and this is done very well. Seonghwa being caring and loving in this fic really shined as well and it allowed the reader to be open with him. This in turn guided them to have a steady relationship/friendship before anything happened sexually between them. Anyway, I always enjoy reading yours, Linda! Fantastic job (as always).” - @othersideoutlawsnetwork
↳ "This man is the definition of man in the streets but a man in the SHEETS! I stand by what i said and you can't change my mind. Not him scaring that douche away like the badass gentleman and then ruining yn for everyone else..." - @cromernet
↳ “#i am SCREAMING#this was SO GOOD#i am straight up swooning#hes so freaking dreamy#he had ME catching feelings#well done!!#seonghwa#ateez#good shit” - @justsomekpopstuff
⟡ most recent fic of 2024 ⟡
after midnight - 52 notes
posted: dec. 27
pairing: yangyang x f.reader (nct/wayv)
wordcount: 8.8k
readers review
↳ none at this point lolol
⟡ longest fic of 2024 ⟡
ranching hearts - 527 notes
posted: oct. 24
pairing: mingi x f.reader (ateez)
wordcount: 16.9k
readers review
↳ OMG cowboy Mingi has me in a chokehold!!!! I'm a city girl through and through but I'd risk it all for this man in a cowboy hat istg” - @velvetskize
↳ “#ateez#tbr#ugh i remember reading so many western romance books back in the day#here we gooooooo” - @hoeranghae1117
⟡ my personal favorite fic ⟡
inked by you - 330 notes
posted: oct. 6th, 2023
pairing: johnny x f.reader (nct)
wordcount: 10.1k
why it's my favorite
↳ this was my first johnny fic that I ever wrote and I still come back to read this one to this day lol. It's also one of my earlier works since I started writing on tumblr fully back in ‘23 (i used to write on other sites). I come back to this and reflect on my writing and the improvement I made throughout the months.
⟡ favorites reads of 2024 ⟡
I haven't read alot of fics lately this year but here are a few of my favs!
you in my arms by @sluttyten (haechan x f!reader)
your gentle hands by @yourlocaljonghoe (hongjoong x f!reader)
the boy is mine by @domjaehyun (haechan x f!reader)
premeditated by @acupoftaewithsomesuga (seonghwa x f!reader)
sweet release by @hisunflower (haechan x f!reader)
⟡ my top tracks of 2024 ⟡
smoothie - nct dream
walk - nct 127
perfume - nct dojaejung
box - nct dream
wish - nct wish
work - ateez
it's you - ateez
dandelion - jaehyun
crazy form - ateez
get the money (khmer girl remix) - bella moon
(that's a lot of nct there…)
⟡ my goals for 2025 ⟡
more fics to come!
read more books and fics!
try not to be a silent reader lolol
Tagging: those who've I've mentioned above already plus
@lovetaroandtaemin @kpop---scenarios @yoonguurt @remedyx @anyamaris
@yourfatherlucifer @snowball-doie @itsnotmydejavu @rems-writing @hobeemin
& anyone else that wants to do it 💚
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*Sr Pelo laughter* fanfic site roast!
Fanfiction.net/FFN:
You literally can’t delete your own review once it’s posted on someone else’s fic! I Def regret saying something supportive to a cringe or sus fic! 😬 Hey ppl’s opinions and preferences change over the years! No wonder I barely spots any review there!
Shit, the site’s like a prehistoric land and the long loading screen ain’t helping one bit…
The “communities” are basically fic collections, not looking like actual user groups. *Tumbleweed rolls due to lack of activity yet the users don’t wanna delete them or basically forgot about their existence.*
Unfortunately, loads of deleted fics from the early 2010s and before can’t be rediscovered even by the internet archives and fic downloaders.
Wattpad:
Yeesh, most of them hate fics are more childish and nonsensical than AO3’s hate fics… uh oh, looks like they get way more attention than the non-bashing fics…
Even if you found the link, went through your notifications or even saved a few things, a few or some fics can’t be found again… or were heavily edited instead of the writer creating a new version. 😔 sad… you wanna remember the fic but it’s slowly fading away from your memory… too bad most fic downloader sites don’t have the Wattpad option due to legality or smth…
At least you can delete your comment thou you can’t edit it… so it’s a step up from FFN.
ArchiveofOurOwn/AO3:
Ugh… I wish the tag filtering was as simple as tumblr’s so I don’t get an aneurysm from seeing my most hated ships and franchises/series while looking for good reading. That’s why I use Google and other users from different sites who have similar tastes like mine just to find the fic or refresh my memories.
Despite most users being more mature than the two sites combined, you’ve got the occasional rabid stan being an adamant character defender whilst shitting on everyone else or just being killjoys.
Fics made by Anons, hmm… are they that ashamed to post it on their online username? I get if it’s a mature/explicit type where shit happens but Gen/teen when it’s sfw? Uh…
Uh oh, a deleted fic from your history/bookmarks!? Which fic was it again?? Damn it I forgot…
All 3 sites:
Oh lord, this user writes a fic of wholesome family bonding but looking at their bookmarks/favorites says otherwise! Like what?? It may not be blood i#c3st but it’s still disgusting! Closeted b@tc3st shippers & ppl shipping parental/familial figure mentors with their students! No wonder I quietly unfavorited and unfollowed several fics! Same goes for artists or any user online! #wasted talent
Um… when is this going to be updated? Are you alive? It’s been X years man... such good content deserving of its rep/attention. 🥺
Ayo they be wildin’ with the ships! That character ain’t a hoe!
Oh gezz.
I’m pretty much, speechless.
I still will never understand why certain (or I guess a lot of) users like incriminating themselves intentionally instead of keeping their yuck ways to themselves.
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ok slightly unhinged anxiety abt fandoms/being online below. “slightly unhinged” bc it’s irrational anxiety to have not like it’s anything batshit crazy fyi. i’m sorry i have nowhere else to post this bc i am not writing abt this on main, putting this on a twitter thread, nor speaking abt it to my therapist despite having a call in the next hour bc i’m still to embarrassed to talk abt weeb/online stuff w them rn
i’ve been kind of low mood since this morning. i first found out an a/3 translator i follow on twt is in contact with and/or friends with another translator who i know ships b/ntm, and i didn’t really consciously respond at the time other than w dull disappointment but then i felt uneasy being on twt after that and it’s prob bc i’m like eh abt the 1st translator bc of their connection w the b.ntm shipper and i’m still anxious enough abt that ship that i get in a bad mood whenever it comes up even in passing or literally barely indirectly like this. i mean it shouldn’t be a big deal, bc (1) the 1st translator has never listed what they ship in a/3 (if any) so they could very well have been shipping invalid ships this entire time and i just never knew, but also (2) just bc you ship a pairing doesn’t mean you necessarily discuss it w all the ppl you contact in a fandom. and they’re both (good imo) translators so good to have someone to compare notes to.
but it just makes me feel meh bc i’m already eh abt the other translator despite knowing their (understandable as a fan) sometimes ulterior motives for translating some content and now i’m like man. ANOTHER translator to be side eyes about ?? it’s not like they put their shipping googles on when they translate tho unlike another (a 3rd diff one in this post) translator i’ve seen. and even if both of these translators ship b/ntm they talk abt it on separate accounts (the confirmed b/ntm translator does. idk abt the 1st translator and i didn’t dig into their main twt) so technically they do keep it away from non-shippers. and there are worse things to not be friends w someone over slash these are not even ppl i know personally, but man. it still bothers me a little. i feel like i’m getting a little better in my gut response to the ship and i prob should talk abt it in therapy but man i don’t understand ppl who are comfortable discussing it bc i still have some embarrassment/shame associated w being a weeb “publicly” even though i’m not into shady shit like loli secretly or whatever. even just telling them i’m on tumblr was so cringe lmao... i’m p sure they know what fandoms are bc they also see young patients but man. i still find it embarrassing to say that i like or even partake in that kind of stuff (fandoms, tumblr) like drawing fanart. anyway that’s a whole other can of worms (?) but yeah back to twt.
so i was scrolling on twt to kind of like forget abt the whole translator social network debacle and i started reading up on the controversy/recent events w princess mako in japan and wow reading both sides’ takes on the issue is so tiring... like there’s ppl who completely romanticize it being like aw hehe she gave up her status for love but then there’s other side who’s like yeah we’ve been against the marriage bc the guy is kinda shady and she deserves better. i mean personally wouldn’t wholly romanticize it when i tbh don’t know the full story and literally just learned abt the relationship today but also i’m weak to romance so i would just like to believe they do genuinely love each other as individuals... and like good for her for getting out of what is prob a really stifling situation w all the public scrutiny and attention but also it’s fucked how only the royal women lose their status when marrying a non-royal... basically just a ton of mixed feelings. and that kind of news spiral is partially why i took like a 2-month break from twt bc seeing those news stories can be so depressing either bc of the news content itself or seeing ppl’s takes on it or both. so yeah i just feel bad now. btw don’t ask me abt the princess mako stuff or my opinion bc idk tbh, plus it also brings in opinions on how japan’s current political sys works and i know there are STRONG opinions on that online and this is a fucking manga/BL review blog not current events/political blog. i just hope that the relationship works out bc if it fails ... bruh she cannot return to japan. she would be a social pariah fr and that sucks so bad to think abt
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Out Of The Woods
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Characters - Iceman x Maverick
Summary - Maverick gets in an accident and Ice is there for him despite their latest fight.
Word Count - 2.2k
Warnings - Angst, Hospitals, Motorcycle crash, injuries
A/N - This is my first fic of the year! Woo! I know I haven’t posted a work in a while, but it’s because I’ve been writing my debut Non-fiction book! I have to get a certain amount done to send to my review team by the 20th of this month so I’ve been hyper-focused on that! I promise you guys are going to want to read it (Even if I can’t talk about it yet, but I will hint that a certain actor we all love is at the center of it) Anyways, thank you for your patience and I really hope you like this one!! As always, this is based on a Taylor Swift song, particularly Out Of the Woods!
Ice was trying his best to avoid Pete at work. He really was. But when you’re co-instructors with someone and their damned wingman it’s hard. They had a fight a week back about something Ice can’t even remember but what turned into fucking Maverick thinking he didn’t deserve Ice. What Pete Mitchell deserved was sure as hell not up to him. He was saying some shit about “I’m setting you free.” and Ice was offended that he’d have the audacity to decide that for him. He loved Pete Mitchell for better or for worse and Pete Mitchell could do jack shit about it.
He avoided him for the week, just to get a piece of mind, but realized that it was exactly what Pete wanted. Pete wanted to mope around all sad and self deprecating. So Ice had every intention of only keeping it this way for a week and then forcing his way back in.
He sat in his apartment for the first time in a few months, and couldn’t help but pull out the polaroid he kept in his nightstand. He knew it was risky to have literal incriminating evidence, but he allowed himself this. It was them sitting on Pete’s couch and Pete had insisted they take this picture, Pete holding the camera and then at the last second he turned his head to kiss Tom’s cheek. The photo perfectly captured Ice’s feelings for the man, his face lighting up and his smile wide, like the rest of the world was in black and white but they were in screaming color.
Ice sighed as he put the picture down to mess with the necklace Pete had given him. It was a simple jet charm on a chain much like their dog tags, nothing special, but Pete later explained that it had once been a gift from Goose. He had immediately tried to give it back but Mav insisted, stating that he had plenty of Goose's things and he wanted Tom to have something he valued to show him how much he loved him. Tom cried that night when he was sure that Pete had fallen asleep.
The night he gave Tom that necklace was one he wouldn’t soon forget. It was the night Pete had it in his head that they needed to dance to his old records but since space was limited it was obvious they had to move Pete’s couch. Obviously. As they danced to some Nat King Cole song Tom remembered wishing this was how it could always be. That one day they’d be dancing like this at their wedding. He knew they didn’t stand a chance, but he really wanted to believe it then. They loved flying as much as they loved each other and they’d never ask the other one to give that up.
As he sat there, thinking about all of the best times he had with Pete, every kiss and touch that made what they were risking oh-so worth it, he realized that he needed Pete to breathe. To live. Just as he was about to get up to go grab his keys and head over to his boyfriends house, his phone started ringing from the kitchen. Had Pete physically known that he was about to go see him?
“Kazansky speaking.” He didn’t want to risk it if it were a work call.
“Yes, am I speaking to Lieutenant Commander Thomas Kazansky?” That sounded too official. Too clipped.
“Yes? Who is this?”
“I’m calling on behalf of a Lieutenant Commander Pete Mitchell, it’s listed here that you’re his emergency contact?”
No. No this can’t be happening.
“Yes, is he okay? Was he hurt?” It was like 2100. What could he do at this hour to hurt himself?
“Mr. Mitchell was in a motorbike accident and sustained some injuries, I can’t say much over the phone but he is stable. Would you be able to come to the hospital within the next couple of hours?”
“I’m on my way, is he at the Naval Hospital at Miramar?”
“Yes sir.”
Tom hung up the phone and really sprinted for his keys. His hands were shaking uncontrollably and he wasn’t entirely sure he should drive. He considered calling Slider for a moment but then realized he was on leave and visiting family in Florida.
He tried his luck at driving the fifteen minutes to the base hospital and actually made it there in one piece. Storming into that hospital he must’ve looked like quite the sight, sweatpants, old Navy tee that was definitely Pete’s as it barely fit him, and sneakers with what he was sure were mixed matched socks. He had been running his fingers through his hair on the way there and he knew his hair was at an ultimate spike.
“I- Uh, I’m looking for Pete Mitchell?” He was hoping he sounded at at least a little put together even if he was out of breath.
“Your name and relation to the patient?” That one stung. All he wanted to say was boyfriend, Lover, Future Husband if he’ll have him, but he couldn’t say any of that.
“Thomas Kazansky? I’m his wingman and emergency contact.” Wingman was as close as he could get to what they really were and it was socially acceptable, especially here at a Naval hospital. The bond between pilots was a deep one, running into the Naval hospital obviously upset and disheveled over a hurt wingman wasn’t unusual or suspicious.
“Right this way sir, he’s been moved to a real room and it’s just him. Quiet night.” The nurse realizes what she said as the other nurses around her groaned. The word quiet in a hospital or any medical facility was a dirty one for sure.
“Don’t worry I’ve been told I have good luck, maybe I’ll counteract your slip up.” The nurse seemed new and he didn’t want her to feel bad.
“Yeah? Well thank you.” they had arrived at Pete's room and she took her leave. In reality at this moment he felt like he had the worst luck. His boyfriend was in the hospital and he had just spent the last week avoiding him like an idiot.
Turning the handle he braved his way into the room, mentally preparing himself for what he might see. In hindsight he should’ve known that whatever it was would make him cry. Pete in any state of hurt made his heart fall.
Pete was sitting up in bed, bandages around his bare torso, bruises on his shoulder and chest. He had road burn up his left side and a little on his face. He was still wearing his pants so that was a good sign that the leather heavy duty ones Tom had got him for his birthday had been worth the price.
The door clicked shut and Pete looked up to see Tom with his hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes.
“Baby.” his voice had never sounded so small in his life but he couldn’t help himself. It was like he was seeing Pete after Goose all over again.
“Tom, I’m so sorry I-” Pete’s tears were actively falling now and he held his uninjured arm out towards his boyfriend.
Tom was at his side in a second and gently set his hand over Pete’s. His other hand came up to wipe his love's tears as his own were falling.
“No, no apologies. I’m just glad you’re okay. What- Pete baby what happened?” Pete had leaned into Tom’s touch, taking in the small comfort.
“I was just riding around to clear my head and this guy came out of nowhere and I tried to swerve to miss him and hit my brakes too soon. Threw me a couple of feet.” The fact that this was the best case scenario freaked Tom out even more.
“Pete, how are you not more hurt? That sounds terrible.” Maverick looked down again, uncharacteristically shy.
“I don’t want to say.” Tom raised his eyebrow at that.
“Oh? And why the hell not?” Seriously with this guy. Why did Tom love him again?
“You’re going to get a big head about it and I love you but it’s big enough babe.” Oh, that’s right. That’s why.
Tom gave him an amused but unimpressed look.
“Fine, I was wearing the helmet you got me, okay? Happy?” He had bought Pete that helmet with the pants wanting to give him something for safety under the guise of ‘babe I think you’d look sexy in these.’ He even had the helmet painted exactly like the one he wore flying.
“That you’re alive and your head is in one piece? Yes I am. I’ll save the gloating for when you heal more I promise.” Pete cracked a laugh at that.
“Well there are twenty stitches so it’ll be a while.” Tom was okay with that. He would wait forever.
Pete sat back slightly from Tom and looked uneasy. “Listen Tom, about what I said… I don’t really want you to leave. I don’t know why I said that.”
Tom sighed and clicked his tongue, gently brushing hair away from Pete’s eye’s.
“Because you were scared. I am too. What we’re doing here is dangerous, and we could lose the one thing besides each other that we really care about. What I didn’t like was that you think you don’t deserve me. Pete, I don’t know why you think you’re this terrible messed up person, but baby… you are worthy of love and respect and I sure as hell want to be the one to give it to you.”
He knew he was rambling, but he also knew Pete’s attention span was extremely limited and he needed him to hear him.
“Tom, I- I’ve been damaged goods for as long as I can remember. I was when I was in foster care, and that’s what Charlie said after what happened with Goose… It’s hard not to believe them.” Tom pulled Pete into a loose hug wary of his injuries but wanting to get his point across.
“I want you to hear me now Pete. You are not damaged goods. You are the love of my goddamn life and I wouldn’t have you another way. What they said to you was false and plain terrible. Do you know how strong you have to be to lose your parents at a young age and then your best friend and brother and not turn into a raging douchebag?” Pete made a noise of argument but didn’t say anything.
Tom pulled Pete to face him and held his face in his hands. “You are everything to me and I feel so lucky to be able to even be near you let alone have you love me. And if you’ll have me I’d like to be near you for the rest of my life.”
Pete’s eyes went wide and those tears were back.
“Tom, did you just propose to me?” Wait, did he? It sure sounded like he did.
“Yeah I guess I did. What do you say?” he really didn’t know what he was saying, he really hadn’t planned this.
“Yes. I’m saying yes.” Tom couldn’t resist it any longer and pulled his fiance in for a kiss. It was chaste, because someone could knock and walk in at any given moment, but it was powerful nonetheless.
“How the fuck are we going to get married Pete?”
“You’re the one that asked Kazansky, no taking it back now. We’ll figure it out. Do something for us, maybe invite Carole, Bradley, Slider, and Merlin?” How did they start the day avoiding each other but now they’re planning their wedding?
“Yeah that sounds nice. And who knows, maybe one day we’ll be able to make it legal.” Tom shrugged his shoulders slightly. Crazier shit had happened.
“I’m not holding my breath Tom. You’re talking about a country that had to vote on whether or not they should consider another race of people actually human. Statistically their decision making on this stuff takes a while.” Pete was very passionate about human rights, it also made him unbelievably angry at times.
“Well I’ll marry you in my own mind now, and then I’ll wait however long it takes to marry you legally. Either way, you’re going to be my husband.” It was one of the few things he knew for a fact, Pete Mitchell was his forever.
Pete looked impressed, and teary eyed again. “Pretty determined aren’t you? You must really like me.”
“Oh baby you have no idea.”
Eventually Pete is discharged from the hospital and Tom drives him home. The sun is up by then, but they don’t care. Happy to be together and elated at their seemingly brighter future.
Tom’s in their bedroom when he hears Pete dialing a number on the phone. “Carole? It’s Pete. Listen, you’re going to be really mad at me but then you’re going to be really happy at me.”
Tom laughed at his words and later could practically hear Carole’s excited screaming followed by Pete’s equally joyed laughter. They spent a good hour discussing plans, and Tom doesn’t care what they are as long as he gets to be there. If he’s being honest? He’s just glad they’re out of the woods.
#icemav#maverick x iceman#iceman kazansky#icemav fic#tom kazansky#val kilmer#pete mitchell#top gun 1986#tom iceman kazansky#tom crusie#maverick#top gun maverick
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I posted 269 times in 2022
That's 269 more posts than 2021!
21 posts created (8%)
248 posts reblogged (92%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@umseb
@seblicha
@princemick
@blorbocedes
@jenseclaren
I tagged 58 of my posts in 2022
#sebastian vettel - 20 posts
#f1 - 14 posts
#formula 1 - 11 posts
#aston martin - 8 posts
#mick schumacher - 7 posts
#formula racing - 5 posts
#oof - 5 posts
#emotional support germans - 4 posts
#nico rosberg - 4 posts
#sv5 - 3 posts
Longest Tag: 90 characters
#love the mixture of lancashire and southern slang while being born and raised in yorkshire
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
I know there was a request for the full version so here it is 😊 I loved this interview 💕
@noope306
@youreamonocoque I know I tagged you in the last one but thought you might want the full interview
18 notes - Posted July 6, 2022
#4
Ok so here's my non 200 word limit twitter response to Seb and Didi.
I know what Seb is going through intimately, so much so I'm in therapy. I struggle insanely with attachment issues and losing the one person in the world that understood me and my ambitions with no limits was soul destroying. So when I see Sebastian celebrating and honouring Didi that's something that hits home, mainly because I never got that chance and I wish I could be like Seb and mourn my mentor properly.
Didi was not perfect, yes he had controversial political views, ones I personally cannot agree with. But that's not what Sebastian is honouring or mourning. He's mourning his friend, his mentor and the man that gave him the chance to race in F1 and win four world championships. Didi is a part of Sebastians life and we as fans should understand he will miss this part of his past. That doesn't mean Seb sympathises with Didi's political views. I know full well my mentor was flawed, they were never perfect and they were deeply traumatised. They made mistakes, they did bad things I accept that. It doesn't mean I don't miss them every day, it doesn't mean I'd give everything to tell them I loved them one last time. These things aren't mutually exclusive. I can disagree with their politics and life choices but I can (and do) still love them. Thats ok.
What hurts more for me when thinking about Seb is the fact this is the second mentor he's had to say goodbye to, and one is still here.
Let him grieve, don't make this political or make assumptions about Sebastians views just because he chooses to show us he's mourning his friend. Let him remember the good times, let him find his closure. Gods I wish I had that chance 💕
22 notes - Posted October 28, 2022
#3
New Seb format 💕 feel free to use 💕
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42 notes - Posted August 8, 2022
#2
Manifesting Him
49 notes - Posted August 8, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
@youreamonocoque
Thought I'd tag you as I saw your post about Sebs anecdote about Michael and I have the video as I thought it was really sweet. Also for anyone else who wanted to see it 💕
See the full post
256 notes - Posted July 5, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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Magic as Always
Written by: @alliswell21
Prompt 71: Magic of Ordinary Days AU: 1940s, Katniss is a single pregnant girl. Desperate for her daughter not to have a child out of wedlock, Mrs Everdeen contacts a priest who in turn knows a young man who just may be willing to help. Sweet, kind and shy Peeta stayed home to take care of the family farm when his beloved brother went to war to never come back. He’s always wanted a family but rural small town life gives little chance to court. He hears of Katniss’ plight and graciously offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. He does everything he can think of to make a home for Katniss and the baby. How does Katniss take it? How does their relationship develop? Will they fall in love? [submitted by anonymous]
Rating: this chapter is rated Teens and Up
Tags: Historical!AU; WWII; 1940’s Era views on marriage, sexism, pregnancy, etc; Katniss/Marvel relationship; Non-graphic Unprotected Sex; Unplanned Pregnancy; Arrange Marriage; Miscellaneous Religious views; Grief/Mourning; Canon Characters Death; OOC!Mrs.Everdeen; Somewhat OOC!Katniss; Everlark is Endgame; Other tags to be added.
Notes: Thank you Anon for this prompt. I must confess, I’ve never seen the movie ‘The Magic of Ordinary Days’ or read the book the movie is based on. I did a quick skimming on the plot of the movie and then dug up all kinds of reviews on the book, most of my plot points come from a combination of movie and book (which apparently differ only in a few parts), besides what the prompter asked for. I just really loved this prompt, and see the potential of this story, which will be a few chapters long, cross posted to AO3 and I already have a good chunk written ;) The rating will be adjusted too, because there will be explicit Everlark smut in the following chapters. Anon, I hope I don’t disappoint you, this story will be only loosely based on the source material, and adapted to fit THG characters in the narrative, I will try to stick to the main plot points as much as I can, but I’m also taking several liberties with the story. I hope you still like it though.
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Prim died on a Tuesday, after a very long, strenuous battle with poliomyelitis. My sweet little sister’s face looked as fresh as a dew drop even in death.
“Come now, Katniss,” my mother calls from the open door of the mortuary hall, where visitation took place an hour ago.
The mortician has arranged for the coffin to be taken to the cemetery and put in the ground this afternoon. There will be no graveside mourning. It’s all we could pay for, but then again the war has left everyone penniless nowadays.
A big, rotund man comes to close the coffin, and offers a curt nod.
That’s it then. The very last time I’ll ever set eyes on Primrose’s sweet face.
“Katniss,” Mother whispers, insistently. It’s probably all she can muster before breaking down in tears.
I look on at the box my sister’s body lies in, numb and heartsick. I bring my 3 middle fingers to my lips and then rise them in the air. My last salute to my beloved Little Duck. I step away from the coffin and shuffle towards mother.
Up close, I can see the deep, dark bruises under my mother’s eyes. She used to be beautiful in her youth— according to friends and old photographs— but now she just looks tired and defeated. I guess having to bury first her husband and then her 15 year old daughter, in less than a year, would have that effect on anyone.
Prim would’ve looked like our mother, with their soft blonde locks, almond shaped blue eyes and alabaster skin. She had a softer spirit though, she enjoyed music and loved animals. She always said that if she was older, she would’ve joined the Red Cross and signed up to serve as a nurse to our boys in the Pacific, like Father did… Father wasn’t a nurse though, he was a chaplain.
It’s funny to think that I inherited so much of my father, like my dark hair, gray eyes and olive skin. We both also share the same aversion to human pain and blood that moves my mother and Prim to action; but unlike Prim, my father’s calling to help the soldiers in their worst situations, passed me and went directly to my baby sister.
I sigh… Prim would’ve made a terrific army nurse, if only she hadn’t wasted in bed with that odious disease! If she had been given the chance to live, I’m sure Prim would’ve had so many boys trailing after her. She would marry at some point and have a beautiful full life.
I don’t plan on marrying and having a family. If the acute pain in my own chest wasn’t enough warning, watching my mother walk silently from the funeral home to our apartment, with her head bowed and listening to her quiet sobs at night would be enough evidence that there’s too much sorrow in losing one’s husband and children.
I think my efforts will be better spent in cultivating my mind, and getting my degree in botany, like my father always dreamed, anyway… plus, I’m not much of a looker… not like Prim at any rate.
We finally arrived at our modest home. Mother drifts ghost-like into the door, and then we both shuffle quietly into our separate bedrooms. There won’t be a meal at the table tonight, but I make sure Prim’s old tomcat gets fed and watered, and after he meows in distress at my sister’s door, I open mine, and let him strut inside my bedroom and hop into my bed. The hideous fur ball and I distrust each other, but he understands his mistress is never coming back, and he’s the last thing I have from her… so he lets me pet him and he cuddles close to my chest as I fall asleep, crying.
——————————-
Mother and I walk slowly through the busy streets of town, mostly ignoring the bustle and disarray around us. People shout, cars honk horns, a baby cries in the distance, and the few young men rush back and forth in the busy sidewalks, like they’re being lashed by invisible whips.
“We should stop by the grocer and see if we can pick up some eggs.” Says my mother, pulling her “Sugar Book” out of her handbag.
Because of the war, everything is being rationed, from sugar to shoes.
I could care less about food and clothing, though. But I still go into the shop, dutifully.
I’m so immersed in my own thoughts, I don’t see the lanky man walking towards me with his arms full of vittles.
We collide. The man’s groceries fly up in every direction, raining over me, as I sit on my rump on the floor.
My mother is nowhere to be seen. Typical.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there!” Says the man, pulling a packet of oatmeal from the floor, while extending his other hand to help me up.
“No… it’s alright, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“Well, let’s agree that we’re both klutzes, and leave it at that?” The man offers.
I’m on my feet, dusting my skirt off and righting my blouse, “Sure, let’s do that.” I scowl at the skew state of my clothes and finally look up at the man.
He’s smiling down at me, and I must admit, his smile is dazzling. He’s got short brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, and a smattering of freckles over his nose. He also towers above me.
“My stars! If it isn’t Katniss Everdeen!” The young man says, unexpectedly excited.
I blink owlishly at him, and try to place his face, but I’m horrible at remembering people. Or their names.
“Marvel Quaid,” he offers genially, unfazed by my lack of response, “we went to grade school together?” He prompts, “My pa used to sell luxury goods in District One?”
“Oh, I think it’s coming back now,” I say smiling for the first time in what feels like months. “You used to throw sticks, pretending they were spears or something,” I tell him, showing that indeed, I do remember him.
Marvel scrunches his nose, “Javelins, actually. I was pretending I threw javelins. I saw a fellow doing it for the Olympics in a film, and then he won a medal for it. I thought to myself that making a victory lap with the good old American flag flapping after oneself looked like fun; well, I wanted to be a victor too!” He chuckles, then deflates. “But as everything, those dreams are gone now, crushed to dust under the weight of the war.”
As is the norm, once the war gets brought up, gloominess settles on, dampening the cheeriest of spirits.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m all too familiar with the sentiment.”
Marvel nods, grimly.
“We lost Father in France.” I’m not sure why I said it. “We put my sister in the ground last week, too.” I avert my eyes.
“Aww, geez, Kit… that’s truly awful. I’m so sorry for your loss,”
I’m mildly surprised I don’t immediately recoil at his little pet name. I guess the fact that he doesn’t sound condescending while delivering his condolences, helps.
“Oh, well, as my father would’ve said, at least their toils in this world are over. They can finally rest in peace.”
After a moment of heavy silence, Marvel shares, “I’m being shipped out tomorrow morning.”
I scowl, “Oh,” I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering how he’d manage to evade the draft for this long? Marvel is my age, 19 going on 20… boys get sent to the front lines at 18. “I… I could write to you… if you wanted?” I offer shyly.
Isn’t that what young women are being told to do, in order to keep our boys’ morale from plummeting?
Marvel grins, showing slightly crooked teeth, “That would be swell, Kit!” He stares at me for a long moment, then sighs, “I should go back to my shopping, before they miss me at home. Lord knows when will I have the chance of doing something as mundane as picking up my mother’s weekly grocery allowance.”
These days it is not only uncommon seeing men doing grocery runs, but simply seeing young, able-body men around, period. All of our boys are either in Europe or the Pacific, fighting to keep the devastation of the World war from reaching our shores.
“Well, for what is worth, I hope you get to return home safely… you know, so you can do all the boring tasks your mother tells you to do. And when I say safe, I mean, I hope you don’t run anymore into spaced out girls, like me,” I smirk.
“Oh, Kit, if only you knew how much I’ve enjoyed our accidental skirmish. It’s like a gift from above, seeing you after all these years. Your smile and the color of your eyes will forever be branded in my mind, to give me a reason to fight. To have a dream,”
I’m momentarily floored by Marvel’s florid little speech. Nobody has ever said anything nearly as sweet and gallant as that to me, and for a moment, I forget all about my dead sister and father, the war, and my own sorrow.
I avert my eyes, bashfully, as he finishes picking up his vittles off the floor.
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I lean over to pick up a can of milk, and put it on top of his pile.
“I only speak the truth,” he smiles brightly.
My mother chooses to interrupt at the exact moment I bat my lashes at him, “Katniss, there you are! I’ve been waiting for you by the counter.” She shakes her head.
Marvel wobbles on his feet, rearranging his load, and then greets my mother, warmly, “Mrs. Everdeen, how nice to see you again,”
My mother eyes him, unimpressed. “Good afternoon, young man,” she answers.
“Ma’am… pardon my forwardness, but, would it be too troublesome to ask Miss Katniss to accompany a soldier about to be shipped out, to supper in the town?”
My mother narrows her eyes, distrust dripping from her voice as she speaks, “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. My daughter and I are in mourning, you see,”
“Oh, this won’t be an untoward celebration of any kind, ma’am. With the war raging on, we’re all in mourning. All I ask for is one last night of normalcy, a chance to reconnect with an old grade-school mate,” he smiles, hopefully, “For old times sake?”
I’m watching my mother’s face closely, with bated breath.
“Very well,” Mother sighs, “You may ask Katniss out to dinner. But have her home by 9 sharp!”
I don’t hesitate to step up and give him directions to my apartment building in District 12.
I spend the rest of my day giddy and nervous, pressing my best Sunday suit, the gray one with the matching jacket, and polishing my only pair of leather shoes. There isn’t much I can do about my hair… the thing can’t be fashioned into the favored waves, not even putting it in curlers overnight, so I let it be.
I briefly wonder if this was all Prim’s doing? Meeting Marvel and mother’s somewhat easy aquiciscent. Prim hated seeing me sad, and constantly talked about how she’d love to help me get ready for dates with a beau. She couldn’t wait to be of courting age and date a strapping, young man herself… but of course, that would never happen for her, but she would probably still want to see me have those things.
Maybe Marvel is right, and our serendipitous encounter is a gift from above, to heal our wounds… at least for the night.
————————-
Marvel arrives at my house in his father’s car at 5:45. Riding is now such a luxury, with gasoline being rationed and all. He takes me to a quaint little dinner in the middle of town. We share malts, a greasy burger, and a small portion of fries and onion rings.
We talk about baseball:
“You’d look good in a baseball uniform, Kit! Can you still run as fast as you did in school?”
I laugh. “I’m not much for sports,” I demure, “but I’ve heard playing in one of the new teams pays alright. Anyway, I’m gonna be starting my second year of college soon. I put my studies on hold while Prim was at her worst, but now that it’s only just me and mother… I’m anxious to go back to study.”
“Wow, beautiful and smart!”
We talk about cars:
“I loved driving… but Mother sold our car when my sister took a turn for the worse. She didn’t want to at first, saying that Father saved up to buy it, and it held sentimental value to her, but I had to push to sell it. We needed the money and gas was a nightmare to come by, anyway,”
“The only reason we still have ours,” says Marvel, “is because Pa is too stubborn to let go of the things that still made him feel wealthy.” He scowls, “He’s trying to get into the ice business now, since it’s pretty much the only thing one where the raw material is plenty and relatively cheap, and there’s guarantee that people will buy the product… everyone still needs ice for their ice boxes, right?”
No one can afford luxuries anymore with every penny going out to support our boys in the battlefields.
We talk about many other subjects: his sister’s wedding; my father’s unit getting pinned and killed by Germans… We didn’t get a body to bury, but I got a medal on his behalf as his eldest child.
Marvel lets me sniffle against his chest, and then kisses my lips slowly.
I’ve never been kissed on the lips, and I feel my face heat up.
“Would you… like to take a drive with me, Kit?”
We drive all the way to the city limit. It’s exhilarating to be in a car again, and sitting at the overlook, at twilight, alone with a handsome boy, feels positively forbidden!
I’ve never done anything remotely injudicious all my life, and this whole moment feels… magical… exciting!
Tentatively, I initiated our next kiss, but he takes over in a rush of caresses and flitting touches.
“Beautiful, graceful, Kit. You have no match!”
“Marvel…” I kiss him again, not knowing how to answer his sentiments with words.
His hands are restless, groping my shoulders and elbows. “I wished he had more time! I would’ve loved to marry you before departing. I would’ve show you so much passion and love!”
“You still can show me, Marvel… you absolutely can!”
It’s all the permission he needs to dive into a frenzy. He doesn’t stop until the deed is done, and we’re a sweaty, tangled mess of limbs in the back seat of the car, only partially clothed.
A deep feeling of lethargy pours over me. My muscles are sore and heavy, and wished I could fall asleep in here.
“I intend on coming back to marry you, Katniss,” Marvel says, stretching his lanky, long legs to zip up his pants.
I sit up and start finger-combing my ruined hair, hoping my mother won’t notice the strands are extra frizzy. “Um… I guess we should after this,” I say shyly, gesturing between us.
“You could still go to college while I’m away,” he offers with magnanimity.
“You… wouldn’t mind that?” I ask incredulous, college women are so rare, unless they’re trying to become nurses or teachers. Most girls start courting right after high school and get married in the span of one to two years, and their husbands don’t normally encourage an education beyond what their wives came into the marriage with; so to hear Marvel say that wouldn’t mi d me stay in college is just about the greatest thing possible!
“My darling, Kit, I don’t want you to be one of those girls pining and wasting away for her beau. I’ll be busy at war, it’ll be unfair to keep you from occupying your own time while you wait fir my return. Go to college, my clever girl!”
I smile indulgently at him, leaning closer to slip his necktie around the collar of his shirt, “You are truly a generous, loving man,” I say.
Marvel beams, circling my waist with his arms pulling me against his body. “It’s all inspired by you, sugar plum!”
I giggle, kissing his cheek, “I’ll write to you every day!” I promise.
“That’s nice… but just so you know, I might not be able to write back right away. It’ll be a while before I get settled enough to write. But you’ll be in my thoughts every minute of every day, and that’s the honest truth! I’m serious about marrying you when I return, Kit,” he kisses me again. And then, he looks at his watch, sighing. “It’s 8:32. We should get on going, gotta keep in my future mother-in-law’s good graces!”
We share a carefree laugh, and finish tidying ourselves up to drive back to my house.
He walks me to the door, takes me in his arms, and kisses me passionately before promising he’d be back to officially ask for my hand in marriage, and for my part, I swear I’ll write to him every day until he returns home safe and sound.
But neither of us keeps our promises in the end, although I tried.
————————-
Three weeks go by and I keep my word of writing daily letters. I receive no word in return from Marvel, but think nothing of it… Europe is far and traveling by sea is tedious and time consuming; Marvel will get in touch once he’s settled down.
Another week goes by, still without news from my would-be fiancé. I still don’t worry. I’ve been busy with university, and the few other girls attending school with me keep me busy, but my heavier workload is starting to get to me.
I’m usually so tired and moody after school that socializing with my classmates becomes a chore. I barely eat supper before I’m passing out in bed, and my letters to Marvel start to get shorter and simpler with every passing day.
I skip writing one afternoon altogether, and take a long nap. Buttercup— Prim’s ugly cat— perches on my bed like a sentinel to watch me sleep. I believe he’s worried about me… stupid, clingy cat thinks I’m sick.
But the feline’s intuition proves right, because just two days later, I shoot out of bed and run into the washroom to spill every last ounce of last night supper into the toilet. I must’ve caught a bug or something!
I feel queasy and lightheaded every morning after. My appetite wanes and it seems my delicate stomach can only tolerate pears, and broth.
I visit the post office to place out my letters to Marvel almost everyday; Every time I come, the nice old mailman comments on how sweet it is to see all the young-uns holding romance strong. Marvel has yet to respond to one of my letters, so I just smile tightly and demure.
I’ve been thinking though; the longer I go without news of my supposed future husband, and despite the whirlwind night of romance with him, I start questioning my actions, my promises. I never wanted to marry before, and suddenly I was okay getting a hasty, unofficial engagement with a virtual stranger, I barely remember from grade school… maybe it’s better if Marvel never writes.
My plans on earning a college degree and finding a well paying job will go unencumbered— I’m aware women in prominent working professions are as rare as snow in July, but women’s presence in the working forces keep growing as industries need laborers to keep up producing while the men fight in the war. Educated women are almost becoming less rare.
At the two month mark since I last saw Marvel, I become weepier than usual… is to be expected in my opinion; Prim’s been gone for a little over two months and she was the only person I knew I loved. But now I’m worrying about my health on top of everything.
One morning, while I’m kneeling on the cold, hard floor in front of the toilet, feeling miserable and tired, my mother calls my name from the open door.
“Katniss, I think it’s time to get a test.” She states evenly, and then enters the room to fetch a damp washcloth to wipe my face clean. “I hope I’m wrong, but I’m afraid you may be with child,” she sighs.
I squirm. “No,” I gasp. “I— I can’t be with child. I just can’t!” But the thought has crossed my mind a few times already. “It’s not supposed to be this way!”
“I know, child,” My mother pats my head, “there’s only one way to know. Get dressed for the day, I will call the most discreet physician I know, and have him pay us a visit.”
————————-
Doctor Aurelius— a physician my mother has helped deliver babies and treat maladies with— confirms the pregnancy with a grim face.
I sit at my kitchen table numb and despondent. My mother writes a check to the doctor for his services, while talking in no so hush tones in the other room. I listen to their whole conversation, as if submerged in water.
“I blame myself for this, doctor. I should have kept a closer eye on her,”
“Don’t blame yourself Ms. Everdeen, it’s that war business bringing out all sorts of evil into the world! It’s unfortunate the rise of these cases in our community. Young ladies— from good families!— engaging in acts ought to be saved for marriage. Youth do things without thinking, guided by fear. Our boys fear they may not return from that senseless, awful war, and settle down properly, and I don’t blame them one little bit.”
“The only solace I have right now, is that my poor husband is not here to see the shame that’s fallen over our family,”
“I understand the sentiment, ma’am. There’s no telling how Preacher Everdeen would’ve taken this blow. But I’m sure things will work out as soon as young Katniss hears from the father…”
I dissolve into silent tears then. My mother escorts the doctor to the door and then there’s silence.
My pinky finger curls into the soft fabric of the table cloth, and I try to ignore the urge to vomit boiling in my stomach. There’s one thought circling mi mind: my college days are over.
——————————-
“Ah! Miss Everdeen, I have something for you.” Says the mailman as soon as I reach the desk. He smiles, but rather sadly, like he’s about to give me bad news.
I’ve come to the post office with urgent letters every day for 6 days, and he’s never looked at me this way.
The old man digs around for a moment and almost reluctantly, passes a parcel tied up in twine. An envelope is attached to the top of the parcel, and with a sinking feeling, I realized it’s a stack of my own letters.
“It came in today, miss.” Says the man, voice laced with pity. “Sorry for your loss.” He says.
At first I don’t understand what he could possibly mean by that; he’s offered his sympathies fir my dead father and sister already; it makes absolutely no sense to repeat himself randomly after so long.
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks.
I gasp, and press the parcel to my chest. “Oh no! Marvel!” I whisper. I give the man a hasty wave, thanking him, and rush out of the post office like mad.
Tears run down my cheeks, while I dash home, imagining the worst. “Poor, Marvel!” Is all I can think.
“Katniss, what’s wrong?” My mother calls, alarmed, when I rush to my bedroom, sobbing. She follows me in, and watches me tear into the envelope at the top of the stack.
I frown in confusion when I’m met with handwritten, chicken-scratch scrawl, instead of a formal missive typed in official US military stationary.
My scowl deepens as my eyes rove over the flowery vocabulary, and then I screech, “What?!”
“Katniss, what’s going on?”
I ignore my mother when she approaches to read over my shoulder; I step around her, shaking the piece of paper in my hands and stand by the window, as if sunlight will make the words change their meaning.
I smooth the creases and folds on the page over, and read out loud, “Dearest Kit, sorry it took so long to write, it’s been a wild time since we arrived and finding time to correspond with everyone back home it’s been hard.
“At times, your letters have been the sole source of light and hope in the darkness of this conflict. Is for that reason, and with a heavy heart, that I must come clean to you now. I truly meant it when I swore to come back and make you my wife, but as the Good Book says, the Lord works in mysterious ways, and love has sprouted out the most unlikely place! Kit, I’ve fallen in love and married a lovely gal here in England…”
I stop reading. He goes on talking about the why and how, but I sincerely don’t care.
“That good for nothing, virtue dasher, future crushing… liar!” My mother bleats to the ceiling, raising her palms over her head, dramatically.
I’m angry too, of course. I feel used and disposed of like a dirty rag, but my mother’s reaction is borderline hilarious. Except, it isn’t.
I’m pregnant, unmarried, and soon— once my still flat stomach starts rounding— I’ll be socially ostracized for my condition. My only saving grace was the promise of marriage that bastard Marvel had given me. But that’s gone now.
“I knew that boy was bad news the second I laid eyes on him! He never even introduced himself to me, the little weasel! This is my fault. My fault! I should’ve never allowed you to run amok with the likes of him…”
“Mother, will you please?” I nearly growl, gesturing at the open bedroom door.
She stares at me uncomprehendingly for a moment, before pursing her lips in disapproval, and stalking out of the room muttering her aggravation under her breath.
I sink into my bed with Marvel’s stupid letter crumpling in my fist. A single, hot, angry tear rolls down my face, and for the first time since finding out of its existence, I hug my midsection and address my child, “I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess. I know you didn’t ask for a mother like me, but I’m all you got now, little one. I promise we will be alright… I’ll try not to let you down.”
———————-
My mother has been unbearable for the last two days. She cries in her room worse than when Prim died, and when she sees me, she starts lamenting my poor choice, like I’m not even standing there… as if I don’t feel discouraged enough.
I keep myself busy with my education. I will need to earn this diploma now more than ever before, and I need to do as much as I can before the baby arrives and my studies get put on hold.
In the meantime, I scout the newspapers for possible work options to sustain me and my mother. Our savings keep diminishing and the small stipend my mother got from the Army since my father passed away is becoming more insufficient by the day.
There’s a knock on the front door, and I push out my chair unhappy by the interruption.
“Afternoon Miss Katniss! Would you let your mother know she’s got a telephone call down in the lobby?” Says the building’s doorkeeper.
“Of course, thank you. She’ll be right down!”
Telephones are yet another luxury we had to give up when moved to this small place after losing my father.
I go back to my job hunt, and my mother descends to the lobby, quickly.
She returns after only 10 minutes, almost running through the door, excitedly calling my name. Tears wet her face, but her smile is so blinding, even without knowing what sort of news she’s heard to cause her such joy, I stand from the table with nervous anticipation.
“Oh, Katniss! Katniss my dear daughter, you’re saved!” She exclaims, hugging me tightly.
I’m confused. I step away from her embrace, “What do you mean?”
“It’s the best thing possible ever, I tell you! The Lord has answered all of my prayers!”
“This is all so exciting and all, mother, but… could you please share this great news already?”
My mother cups my face in her hands, and beams at me, “You need to pack your things, darling! Your father’s good friend, Reverend Undersee, has found a husband, and you are to wed, in three days time!”
—————————
Reverend Undersee and his daughter, Madge, meet me and my mother at the rinky dink bus station, in the equally tiny town my mother has banished me to.
“Katniss! How long has it been?” Says Madge, hugging me enthusiastically.
I bite my tongue to keep the acidic retort of “not long enough!” to leave my mouth.
“Welcome to Panem,” says the reverend, soberly, shaking my mother’s hand in greeting.
“Thank you, revered. We appreciate your hospitality and your understanding,” my mother responds, then gives me a pointed look and a wordless command.
I nod and mutter, “Thank you, sir. Madge,”
I scowl at a crack in the pavement, not feeling an iota of gratefulness for this charade!
Any man agreeing to this questionable union has to either be desperate, or be hiding terrible, ulterior motives to go along with all of this. Nobody in their right mind would willingly marry a girl pregnant with another man’s baby, and be happy about it… unless that’s the reason!
I shudder at the thought.
But it is a very real possibility that my intended is a simpleton, who can’t find a wife otherwise… or worse! It could be a man very advanced in age, looking for a supple, young body to leech off. Gross!
My mother had been too excited about the news that a man offered to marry me (as if I asked for, or even wanted a husband!) to bother to ask his name.
Reverend Undersee coughs daintily, clears his throat, and starts, like he’s giving a lecture at the university. “It is our Christian duty to lend a helping hand to widows and orphans in their time of needs. Same way it’s our duty to keep the memory and honor of an old friend from being dragged into the mud.”
I wince at the harsh words, and let my face fall lower, if that’s even possible.
“Well, it’s a good thing that we are all recipients of the abundant grace of the Lord, which covers multitude of faults, and it’s never hard to reach,” a deep, velvety, masculine voice cuts into my embarrassment.
I lift my eyes from the ground, to find a man striding confidently in our direction. He smiles kindly at me, his eyes fixed on my own, like I’m the only person still standing in the station.
He finally cedes our staring contest, to take in the rest of the group.
A knot forms in the pit of my stomach, because I recognize him from years past when my family used to visit this town, and I’m afraid I know exactly why he’s here.
“Good afternoon, all. I apologize for my tardiness, I had a last second detail to take care of before leaving the house,” he nods in our general direction, taking his hat off; a riot of ashy blonde curls falls onto his forehead, before bending forward to shake my mother’s hand, “I’m Peeta Mellark, at your service, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Likewise, mister Mellark,” says my mother, her lips twitch tersely, “Widow Everdeen, and this here is my daughter Katniss… your bride.”
Peeta Mellark’s baby blue eyes slip back to mine, and the left side corner of lips curls into a shy, earnest smile. “Welcome to Panem, Katniss, I’ll sure do my best, so you’d like it here.”
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Fic Writer Review - tag game
Thank you so much for tagging me @tuliharja! I’m still not quite mentally back to the fandom and tumblr... But I’m working on it!!!
1. How many fics on AO3?
30. There is a bit less on ffnet, because recently I kind of stopped posting there...
2. Total AO3 word count?
466416. Wow. A lot...
3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Naruto - 28
Bokurano - 1
Jujutsu Kaisen - 1 (I tagged this single fic as JJK (Manga) and JJK (Anime) and now I have no clue why on my page it is listed separately, which gives impression that I have 2 fics in JJK and 31 fics altogether... Maybe I should untag JJK (Anime) or something...)
4. Top Five by Kudos?
The Last Ones Standing
Origin of the Never Seen
On Her Track (completely unexpected!?!?!!? A fresh oneshot so high? And the one published during publishing of Come Home marathon????)
Have We Met Before? (another oneshot, but that was for the event...)
Dreamt
Ok, I’m a bit shocked that Come Home is only 6th... That Veil is even lower....
5. Do you respond to comments, why/why not?
So, until half a year ago the answer would have been a crystal-clear YES. But I have to say that recently, especially after finishing of TLOS there were quite a lot of those complaining comments (esp. on ffnet) and seriously, if I had answered them, it would have been really sharp, so I held my tongue in many cases.
Also - and for that I really have bad consciousness - several very long and thoughtful reviews came very late (several months after the finish of TLOS) and I was already neck deep in Come Home and... I didn’t answer in time... I didn’t have time and mental space to write a suitable answer discussing all the points of the review. I am so sorry about that...
6. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
Awakening is soo angsty, all of it, especially the ending. Maybe Wall has an angsty ending as well, but imo it is more scary than angsty.
Also both my non-Naruto fics are angsty as hell.
7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?
No. Somehow, I don’t see much appeal.
8. Have you received hate on a fic?
Nah... Some, imo ungrounded and stupid criticism, but that’s not hate.
9. Do you write smut?
Yup! Gladly!
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge. I once read a fic that had a plot veeeery similar to one of my oneshots (and it struck a wrong vein in me), but it was not that someone stole it... Just got overly inspired, I guess...
11. Ever had a fic translated?
Oh Yes!!!!! Huge thanks to all my translators!!! Actually, most meaningful and deep fandom interactions came through the translations of my work, so I am so unbelievable grateful that people took their time to spread my works.
@yomi-gaeru is translating TLOS to Chinese (it is posted on AO3 and on many other Chinese pages - I know Lofter is one of them)
Most of my fics were translated to Russian. Dreamt by LeeTaeKim, Veil over Their Eyes by Маленькая_девочка_ and last but not least, almost all the rest was wonderfully, patiently, carefully and beautifully (and sometime heroically as well) translated by @kotoffeya. Her page on fikbook where she posts the translations is here.
12. Ever co-written a fic before?
Kind of. @victoriacapo has so many ideas and they often somehow click with me in just the right way and I write them down. There is quite a list of them already: Price of Creativity, Wall, Dancing with the Stranger, Other Man’s Treasure, and last but not least Pass the Test.
13. All-time favourite ship?
Madara x Sakura!!!
14. What's a WIP you want to finish, but don't think you ever will?
Oh, Pass the Test lies so heavy on my heart... But I really cannot find the inspiration...
There is also another fic, WIP is a wrong way to call it becasue it is barely started, but it‘s a big, complex and daunting project and... I didn’t even really start. And I’m not sure if I will...
I also had so many ideas and started projects for the fandoms stats back then when I was doing a lot of it. But I don’t remember most of the ideas.
15. What are your writing strengths?
Hmmm... I’m not sure tbh. Maybe conveying emotions? maybe complexity of emotions?
Maybe someone can tell me?
What people did repetitively tell me is that I write Madara very well, that I write him authentic and IC. He is for sure effortless to write for me.
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Lol, plots. Until recently I would have said ‘getting an idea’ but writing Come Home has healed me from that.
17. What are your thoughts of writing dialogue in other languages?
Well, I *am* writing them all in an *other* language, lol. English is *other* language for me. (Crying to tears about how anglo-centric this question is). And yes, I am uncomfortable writing casual speech. That’s also one of the reasons why I’m uncomfortable writing Modern AUs.
As for changing the language inside the fic - I don’t see really a purpose. There would have to be a really specific plot-reason for the inclusion of additional language for this operation to make sense.
18. First fandom you wrote for?
Naruto. I started writing in 2016.
19. Favourite fic you've ever written?
TLOS and Come Home. I am super proud of TLOS, and it is definitely my best work, but... I think Come Home wins. Even though it is *just* a collection of oneshots. But so much heart went into it, and - even though it is invisible to a bystander - there is a thread of themes, of certain logic that is strung through all these short stories and it is very precious to me.
Hmm, whom to tag... I didn’t talk to you for such a long time... maybe someone will still answer?
I tag traditionally: @yangssunglasses, @itsravencrone, @rhearenee-magane, @kendochick-moor @purple-possibilities, @sunsetbivd
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starker reclist - AUs
Hey guys! Welcome to the second part of my personal Starker reclist, dedicated to AUs. Last week I posted my canon-based recs, you can find them here.
I tried to incorporate as many tropes as I could, hoping everyone will find something special within their interests. There are a few a/b/o and underage fics, all properly tagged in case anyone wishes to avoid them. I also tried to highlight soulmate AUs because I reckon it’s a somewhat popular trope. Enjoy! ❤️
Last updated: April 25th, 2020. All new fics added will be marked with ***
• 007 AU by @darker-soft-starker (T, 4k, completed)
Summary: Undercover and bored at an art auction, Tony finds entertainment in Peter Parker.
Review: Look, I’m a simple woman. Daniel Craig has owned my ass ever since Casino Royale and I was reading 00Q and Hartwin before I even shipped Starker. Point is, I like spy movies, ok?! So naturally I couldn’t leave this fic out of my reclist. I you need further incentive, consider this quote: “What, a little late night espionage not romantic enough for you?” Peter retorts, whipping a pistol out from his jacket and aiming it at Tony’s chest.
• 3 Times I Told You I Loved You & 1 Time You Said It Back by @starkeristheendgame (E) background Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Scott
Summary: Peter Parker confesses his love to Tony Stark three times. Once at ten, once at fifteen and once at twenty. Finally convinced that Tony will never love him back, Peter ventures out into a different path, desperate to find the love he seeks from someone else. But you know what they say about star-crossed lovers.
Review: This lovely fic holds a very special place in my heart. I’m so invested I decided to wait until it’s finished so I can read it all in one sitting. Peter’s longing and heartbreak hurt my poor soul but I trust Jensen to give me that promised Starker endgame - I know it will be glorious when it finally comes.
• A Night on the Town by @scarletmanuka1 (G, 2.3k, completed)
Summary: Nightclub AU. Years after the events of Endgame, Tony has hit rock bottom. The Snap left him crippled, Pepper has abandoned him and has taken Morgan with her, and he's feeling old and lonely. Peter arranges a night out at the nightclub that he works at to try and cheer Tony up.
Review: I love get together fics, especially if it involves oblivious!Tony getting his shit together and going after his man. Seeing him bitter and broken after Thanos was hard, but special kudos to IronBros moments because that friendship is true goals!
• Age of Adeline by @starkerforlife6969 (completed) background Harley/Peter, Bucky/Peter, Wade/Peter
Review: I’d never in a million years think about this movie as a Starker AU but gosh, this is everything I needed in my life and it completely devastated me but I loved every minute of it. As a devoted monoshipper, I was surprised to realize that I got emotionally involved with all pairings, even more so with Starker, which totally paid off. Gorgeous, powerful and heartfelt. God bless SFL.
• assume makes ass for u and me by @pretty-well-funded (M, 1.6k, completed) tw underage
Summary: In Tony’s defense, he was sure the kid was a rent boy.
Review: This 1.6k fic caught me completely off guard and now I’m crying because I need MORE. I love the premise, the dialogue is criminally good, their voices are amazing and I can’t get enough of cheeky!Peter charming Tony with his wit and filthy mind.
• Bamf!secretary Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)
Review: Who could ever resist some corporate espionage drama with bamf!Peter leaving Tony speechless and horny? Not me. I’d read more 30k of this verse because competent, sassy Peter Parker is such a kink, omg.
• Biker!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Review: Same age AUs are not usually my thing but I can’t resist cute high school sweethearts written by this fandom goddess. Plus, protective!Tony calling Peter “doll” does things to my heart - and Peter’s.
• Breaking Character by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)
Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.
Review: The spy trope seriously needs more fic like this one, because I’ll have bamf!Peter lying back to save his country while Tony freaks out any day. Cage hits the perfect balance between plot building, fantastic sexual tension, clever dialogue and the hottest smut sequence. What a ride! (Pun intended).
• Curiosity Killed the Cat by @areluctantsblog (T, 1.5k, completed)
Summary: Peter has been modelling in an art school for years. He's used to strangers' eyes roaming his body - clothed or naked - and he knows that it's not him they are looking at. Not him who they are interested in. He's just a model, a tool for their work. And for a long time he doesn't notice the one pair of eyes that, despite seeing him but rarely, is looking right at him.
Review: Very soft and atmospheric, this fic left me in a bit of a daze and it took me a while to realize it was over. Great writing will do that to you.
• Detective!Tony, Graffiti Artist!Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)
Review: Oh don’t mind me, just appreciating this author’s talent at writing from the filthiest smut to the softest “Tony saves Peter in all ways that matter” like this ficlet. We stan.
• Eat at Pete’s by feyrelay + glorious art by @peachbabypie (E)
Summary: Peter gives him an unimpressed look, “If you didn’t do your work, then you wouldn’t be able to earn my time though, would you?” Pfft. “Kid, I have more money than god. I can splurge on your delicious pancakes and attention, trust me,” Tony informs him loftily. Peter smiles that wicked, crooked little smile that's just for him. It's not even and perfect like his the-customer-is-always-right one that's more frequently on offer. “I didn’t say you couldn’t afford it. I said you wouldn’t have earned it.”
Review: How can we ever say no to dom!Peter putting Tony in his place and hopefully on his dick + Tony loving every second of it?? Their dynamics are fantastic and that TASTY COUNTER DIALOGUE KILLS ME. EVERY TIME. Check it out and come scream with me: sub!Tony rights :D
• Fire and Ice by LeafyGreenQueen773 (M, 3k, completed) Soulmate AU
Summary: AU where when someone writes on his or her skin, the same thing shows up on their soulmate in the same place as a Mark that fades away in a few hours.
Review: This was the first Starker soulmate fic I’ve read and it made my heart ache so soft and good. Lovely and bittersweet, quiet and painfully honest.
• Genius, Acrobat, Playboy, Philanthropist by @scarletmanuka1 (E, 28k, completed)
Summary: After Peter's aeriel acrobatics partner, Adrian Toomes is fired from The Avengers Circus Troupe for theft, he is shocked to discover that his replacement is non other than legendary performer, Tony Stark - the man that Peter had hero worshipped since he first learned how to tumble.
Review: After reading this fic I realized I need more Circus AUs in my life. I could read jealous idiots falling in love while doing beautiful acrobatics for the rest of my days. Original plot, nice character development and I really appreciated how the author inserted little canon things here and there.
• Happy to Disappoint by @deaded-blush (M, 60k, completed) tw underage, domestic violence
Summary: Adrian Toomes is in quite deep with notorious mob boss Tony Stark. But when Tony comes to collect the debt owed, he's surprised to discover Toomes has an adoptive son. The chance meeting changes the direction of both their lives...
Review: Hands down one of the best Mafia!AUs I’ve ever seen. Read it all in one sitting and by the end I was SHOOKETH and utterly obsessed with this story. Nothing about it is okay so brace yourself for whump!Peter and lots of h/c. Bonus points for an incredibly satisfying ending that will make you gasp out loud.
• Hey Baby, Slip between my Beta-Pleats and get to know my Alpha-Helix? by @starkerforlife6969 and @darker-soft-starker (E, 37k, completed) A/B/O
Summary: Even though Tony can't tell the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo, Peter really has no other choice. His heat is around the corner, so even though he loathes the party-going, booze drinking, smug playboy know-it-all that is Tony Stark. He'll just have to do.
Review: I can’t believe life went on as we know it (or did it??) after these two geniuses wrote together. This is the Starker version of “enemies to lovers” we all wanted and deserve, where spoiled-bratty-posh princess Peter finds the perfect balance for his chaotic energy in goofy-unapologetic-charming playboy Tony. Their falling in love is just so tender, so genuine and so good, it’s impossible not to cheer for these two sweethearts through this delightful, carefully crafted story.
• If you let me by @css1992 (E, 12k, completed)
Summary: Peter had tried dating younger guys, but it just didn’t do it for him. They were often too eager, too fast, too rough. Just too young, in general. Not that older men couldn’t be too much, too, Peter learned it the hard way. The man looking back at him from across the room seemed like a good one. He knew he shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but he was gorgeous. Possibly the most handsome man Peter had ever seen in his short life.
Review: I remember the first time I read this fic it hit me in such a powerful way I cried a bit and was too overwhelmed to do words and tell the author just how much I loved it. But I never forgot this fic or the way it made me feel. It’s so evocative, so sexy, so raw, so heartbreaking, so sweet and so gentle. Great atmosphere, even greater characterization and some of the hottest smut I’ve ever read. Treat yourself and check this out right now.
• I’ll be Home by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O
Summary: The story starts when Soldier Tony comes home for a few days, and is introduced to the love of his life.
Review: Will I ever stop reccing SFL’s works? Maybe, but today is not the day. This gorgeous, breathtaking fic attacked me in my own house during Christmas day and made me cry like a baby. I’m a sucker for reunion stories - the longing, the heartbreak, the power of endurance. This fic reminded me that no matter how long or difficult the journey, love will always find a way.
• Little Spider by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 5k, completed)
Summary: Peter Parker is one of the country's best hitmen, known in the underworld as the Little Spider. He spends his days in the lap of luxury with his billionaire fiance Tony Stark, and his nights doing dirty work for various shady characters. Life is good, right up until someone puts out a hit on Tony and wants Peter to pull the trigger. It... might be time for them to have a talk.
Review: Omg this fic was so deliciously good in a totally surprising and sexy way. Bamf!Peter took my breath away with the perfect balance between his two personas. Tony getting off on that sheer power and confidence is a BIG MOOD and my second favorite thing in this fic. The first being the badass power couple they make.
• love somebody like you (E) by @intoxicatelou
Summary: five times Tony was Peter’s roommate and one time he was his soulmate instead.
Review: Who doesn’t love some forced proximity mixed with the unbeatable soulmate trope? This plot is the hottest take and my heart cannot handle young!Tony with his brilliant mind and sassy charm protecting and flirting with Peter, unfff feels everywhere *cries in Starker*
• Love Thy Neighbour by @darker-soft-starker (T, 2.3k, completed)
Summary: Tony's new neighbour is kinda weird.
Review: I know I keep saying that same age!AUs are not really my thing but I’m the softest bitch for feel-good, cozy domesticity, and I love how this charming story shows that ordinary life become magical when shared with someone special. I could babble all night about how eccentric and confident Peter seduces our man of science that for once has absolutely no idea of what’s going on - but you really should see it for yourself right now :)
• Mafia Boss!Tony Break Up Make Up by @starkerforlife6969 (E, completed)
Review: Man, this fic was so rude to my heart. The heartbreak, the rough sex, the guilt, the hopeful make up, the gorgeous ending. My body literally cannot take the stress, why are Mafia AUs so doomed and beautiful and more importantly, why is SFL so good at writing them???
• Microcosm Series by @bloomblood (M, 32k) tw underage
Summary: Tony and Peter become each other’s heroes after the Snap, saving themselves before they offer aid back to the world.
Review: I haven’t read many post-apocalyptic fics but this series’s raw atmosphere sucked me in. I adore the quiet intimacy, the slow and tentative healing, and all the silent and complex emotions underneath apparent simplicity. Big aesthetic mood, just as its lovely author.
• Musechaser by @nightskygardenia (M, 10.5k, completed)
Summary: Eighteen year old art student Peter Parker is desperately searching for his muse, someone who can bring his creative skills to the next level through inspiration. Lucky for him, his next class just so happens to feature a gorgeous model by the name of Tony Stark, a man Peter's convinced is his muse, to the point of staying after class to ask for private modeling sessions.
Review: Another big aesthetic mood, this fic paints a gorgeous imagery. I love the setting, the slow pace and the building anticipation until the sexual tension finally breaks. Peter is adorable and Tony exudes confidence; their voices are spot on and their chemistry is palpable and intense.
• My Best Friend’s Dad by @darker-soft-starker (M, 17.6k, completed)
Summary: Peter is home for the summer, back from his first year away at college. Having stayed over at Harley's house every weekend since they were fourteen, he never used to think much of his friend’s dad. A few years worth of college experience has Peter noticing Tony in a different way. This time, Tony notices him back.
Review: Turns out that Tony Stark being a dad and a daddy is too much for my body. I worship this fic. I wanna get married to it and have its babies. No words will ever make it justice *sobs* no but seriously, secret relationship is a perfect Starker trope and this one will take you to the edge of your seat until the very end. A+ characterization, lovely build up, infuriating cliffhangers and the wholesome happy ending we all deserve. This is the kind of fic that leaves you a bit depressed once it’s over, because you suddenly realize you’ll never read it for the first time ever again. So get to it and make sure to enjoy every second!
• One Call Away by @readysetstarker (E)
Summary: Tony didn’t need the phone sex gig. He was more than well off, his own sex life was in great shape, but damn, there was just something about listening to someone else get off to his voice.
Review: Omg who could ever resist sex hotline + daddy kink + identity porn? Dev is coming after our own hearts and bodies with this hot combo. I love the balance between their cute chemistry and the hot phone sex, plus the identity porn is deliciously fun. I was so happy to know this fic is getting longer than the author had previously anticipated because I’m definitely not ready to let it go.
• Open Road by @starkerflowers (E, 2.5k, completed)
Summary: It’s not love, but it’s good. TW: implied abuse (not between Tony/Peter); bruises/violence; panic attack.
Review: This refreshing not-quite-a-love-story will capture your heart, make it hurt, make it ache, make it hope and finally, make it heal. This fic is so gorgeously written I honestly cannot rec it enough. Yes, it’s dark and angsty, but it’s also gentle, hopeful and deeply evocative.
• Panty Raid by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O
Summary: Imagine Tony being forced to do a panty raid as an initiation for his fraternity. So Tony, keeping up his playboy appearances, sneaks into the omega dorms. And he sees sweet innocent Peter who is so alarmed by the alphas raiding their dorm Tony can’t help but comfort him.
Review: Unf this fic is just too charming and cute, my heart cannot take it. Frat stories are so fun they make me forget my preference for age gaps and realize I could read more 50k of protective young!Tony any day, please and thank
• Pete’s Eats by @darker-soft-starker (T, 9.3k, completed)
Summary: Peter has a YouTube channel where he just drinks wine and teaches people how to cook things if they live in a mediocre apartment. While cooking and drinking he just talks about stuff like memes and school and, most importantly, his undying thirst for Tony Stark.
Review: This is legit the funniest shit I’ve ever read, everybody else can go home. I was already sold on Peter being a relatable thirsty dork, but Tony’s A+++ characterization (for a moment I thought it was RDJ on the big screen) and the identity porn side trope killed me for good. And what a way to go. I’m an angst hoe but I could read this forever and would be okay with it.
• pondus, pondera by spqr (M, 9.3k, completed) underage prostitution but not between P/T
Summary: Peter sells his virginity for $5,000 when he’s fifteen.
Review: Ugh I’m so weak for the angsty hooker trope, I just love the potential to simultaneously explore whump, mutual pining and gentle recovery. Trust spqr to deliver it all with a carefully crafted slow burn, god-tier characterization and a heartfelt and satisfying get together. This fic is a gem.
• Powerful by @cagestark (E, 4.6k, completed) SIM!Tony
Summary: After finding out about Peter's abusive ex, Tony privately vows revenge.
Review: This fic took my breath away and made me realize that dark!Tony with a soft spot for Peter is everything I need in my life. Precious Peter being empowered by a viciously protective Tony is now my absolute jam, and it was fascinating to see see their dynamics mutually feeding each other’s nature. This fic is gorgeous, sexy and liberating.
***Red Light District series by @starker-stories (17k, ongoing)
Summary: Everyone knows that Tony Stark is a playboy who has dozens of women passing through his life and through his bed. What everyone doesn't know is that Tony Stark is deeply closeted, longing for something he can't ever have -- a life and a love with another man.
Review: I’m completely in love with this series and not only because it explores the good old hooker trope which I’m very partial to. It’s so well written and atmospheric, if a tad bittersweet and heart-wrenching. Great narrative tension, Tony and Peter’s chemistry is insane, their voices and dialogue are amazing and the smut is looong and scorching hot *chef’s kiss*
• Samadhi by @starkercrossedlovers (E, completed)
Summay: Tony goes to yoga to try and deal with his anxiety and ends up falling for the instructor, one Peter Parker.
Review: Okay so yoga fics are among my guilty pleasures and I can’t get enough of feel-good fics like this one. Peter’s such a sweetheart, so thoughtful and amazing with Tony. I love it when they take care of each other and find solace together, this fic made me soft :’)
• Single dad baker!Peter and lawyer!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (G, completed)
Review: I’m not usually a fluff girl but this fic is just too wholesome to go by unnoticed. Nothing hits my soft side harder than a cynical character reaching that turning point that makes them start to believe in love. Fuck yes, YOU SHOW THAT MAN SOME HAPPILY EVER AFTER PETE
• Soft Kitty by @ko-fiandfanfiction (E, 33k, completed)
Summary: Peter wasn’t wearing something Tony would call normal, not that there was anything inherently wrong with what he was wearing or anything. It just struck him as…different. To put it plainly. Tony is not sure what to make of this new development.
Review: For those of you who love some occasional feminization, this is the perfect treat. Soft, sexy and sweet, it combines top guilty, pining Tony with oblivious idiots in love, two of my favorite tropes. Amazing slow burn with glorious sexual tension, infuriating dancing around each other and a very satisfying get together. Bonus points for including the “Avengers living together in the Tower” trope, this is the 2012 team building fic we deserved.
• Solitaire by @darker-soft-starker (M, 29k, completed)
Summary: After a traumatic experience, Tony loses his marriage and his business empire in one fell swoop. At rock bottom, it takes real change to pick up the pieces, to dig himself out of the funk he's been living in. It's not pretty. Along the path of healing Tony meets a bright young man, Peter Parker, who makes the entire journey worth it.
Review: Oh man, this was a tough ride on the soul. Few things hurt me like reading whump!Tony but his healing journey is so beautiful it’s all worth it. Top notch characterization, amazing dialogue, FEELS EVERYWHERE, and a gorgeous portrayal of loneliness, friendship, hope and love.
• Someone Who Makes you Happy by tuesday (T, 6k, completed) Soulmate AU
Summary: Peter was born with several marks already marring his skin, including an interlocking AES over his heart. A scar-sharing soulmate AU.
Review: This fic is absolutely stunning and it makes my heart ache in all the right places. Great worldbuilding (I LOVE the scarring concept, so unique and fitting to these characters), A+++ Tony characterization (the wit and the self-hate are so spot on I could weep) and a journey full of longing, until they finally get to be on the same page.
• Splice by Mezzymet (E, 35k, completed) A/B/O
Summary: "He's not...." The doctors polite nature and disposition hadn't been able to mask the odd tone of his voice, like he had been reading someone's death certificate. Only Peter hadn't been on his death bed. "Peter isn't like the other kids.
Review: I keep coming back to this story because it’s such a fascinating and unique take on this trope. Very well thought and put together - the world building is fantastic, the sex sequences are breathtaking, and Tony’s gentle thoughtfulness makes me wanna cry.
• Stopover by @cagestark (E, 10k, completed)
Summary: A stopover is just a break in a journey. Tony is on the run from the organization he used to kill for, and when he stopped for gas and coffee in the small town of Stopover, IL, he had no plans to leave with anything more.
Review: *sigh* this is the mob boss!Tony fic I’ve waited for all my life. Even more impressive than the delicious smut checking all my kink boxes was the phenomenal build up, the overall urgent atmosphere that surrounds those “on the run”, combined with the gentle wonder of stealing a moment in time to find solace in the most unlikely place. Breathtakingly moving.
• Student Body President Election by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed)
Summary: Tony and Peter are competing for Student Body President and a smear campaign takes things a little too far.
Review: GIMME ENEMIES TO LOVERS AND ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. This ficlet is so fun and adorable it will make your heart smile. Great plot idea and the usual bonus points for protective!Tony being a sweetheart. Will have more 30k, pls and thank.
• Such a Softer Sin by @css1992 (E, 18k, completed) background Peter/Norman
Summary: Tony is a self-made man. Peter is a sugar baby – someone else’s sugar baby.
Review: Another fantastic slow burn that hit me hard in the feels. I love it when fics explore the characters’ personal struggles before they get together, and while the Peter!whump destroyed my heart, Tony’s parallel journey of growth took my breath away. css1992’s talent took the good old sugar baby trope to a whole new epic level.
• Summer Daze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 4.3k, completed)
Summary: Starker no-powers au where Peter watches construction worker Tony from his bedroom window as the older man works across the street.
Review: Ahh yes, the classic “food as metaphor for love” trope, my absolute jam. This fic is so adorable and endearing, pining!Peter in his wooing mission makes my heart ache and the sweet anticipation is so good. There’s something about this fic that gives me nostalgia; it’s as soft and warm as a summer breeze.
• Tamed by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)
Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.
Review: It’s no wonder this is Cage’s most beloved fic. Bad boy!Tony being all soft for Peter is everything we deserve, not to mention a mesmerizing (and HOT AF) first time together. This fic shows how rich and captivating Cage’s writing is - she’s able to transform that old basic trope into something unique and heartfelt. If you need one more reason to read this, please consider: best first bj ever :)
• Teacher!Tony wrong number by @areluctantsblog (T) tw underage
Summary: Peter’s using a replacement phone and mistypes Ned’s number asking for help on a physics problem.
Review: I have such a soft spot for this fic! It was one of the first AUs I’ve ever read and I’m completely in love with their dynamics. Peter’s underage but this fic is carefully written and pretty tame, so I’d rec it to anyone looking for the good old “they probably shouldn’t, but then again nothing’s happening” trope.
• The Bleedover Effect by tuesday (T, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU
Summary: The first time Tony got punched in the face by nobody there, he had a lot of very complicated feelings about it that mostly boiled down to, "I deserve this." A pain-sharing soulmate AU.
Review: Tuesday truly is the queen of soulmate AUs, we have no other choice but STAN. First of all, I adore the concept here - being such a sucker for whump, this could easily become my favorite soulmate trope. As usual, her Tony voice is perfect and his devotion to Peter hits my fragile heart every time. Kudos for the soft and hopeful ending. The series has been discontinued but the sequels are very much worth the read, if you’re up for it :)
• The Catfish Chronicles by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 32k, completed)
Summary: Peter creates a fake profile under the name “Benjamin” trying to catch his scumbag boyfriend cheating. Tony creates a Tinder profile for "Anthony" looking for love late in life. Funny how two geniuses who fight side by side every day can only manage to fall in love after they've accidentally catfished each other. This is... gonna get awkward.
Review: My identity porn thirst might be showing but who cares, I want these two idiots pining after each other in every possible way. This was such a fun and exciting ride! The suspense had me legit freaking out and their get together was lovely and wholesome. I particularly adored how thoughtful and sweet Tony was dealing with Peter’s insecurities, that was handled really well. A treat!
• The Concept of Domesticity by @peters-tofu (E) mpreg
Summary: Tony has accomplished nearly everything he's set out to do, now he wants something different. A family of his own? Sounds easy enough. But he's far too impatient for a relationship, so surrogacy it is. Meanwhile, twenty-two year old college student Peter Parker has just volunteered to be a bearer at an agency.
Review: Can’t say I’m a big fan of this trope but since every rule has its exception, here it is! The only Starker mpreg I’ve ever read is so so good and adorable I can’t help smiling every time I think about it. I just love their dynamics, the soft domesticity, the cute bantering, and the fact that Peter has one baby daddy all wrapped around his little finger but what else is new ;)
***The Date by Neuropsyche (E, 33k, completed)
Summary: Tony has a high society gala and he needs a date.
Review: My favorite fake dating AU so far, this fic is so sweet and wholesome. Confident!Peter is my jam and it was amazing to see their sassy bantering evolving into genuine affection towards each other, not to mention the delicious hot smut with dom!Tony :D
• The Final Heist by @starkerforlife6969 (G, 10k, completed)
Summary: Tony’s only got one more heist. He does this, he can be retired on an island in the Mediterranean in a month. All he needs is a world-class art forger. (White Collar inspired)
Review: Honestly, the amount of times I’ve mentioned SFL in this list is getting embarrassing. I must have done something really good in another life to get such a talented author writing something inspired by one of my favorite TV shows. I feel like this fic was personally crafted for me; it’s original, romantic, sexy, fun, clever and so very atmospheric. I’m a lucky hoe.
• The Heart Benefits of Exercise by @areluctantsblog (E, 14k, completed)
Summary: Personal Trainer Tony and Gym Newbie Peter. Peter can hardly keep it together watching Tony demonstrate different exercises and lift weights. Tony is very much aware of the effect he has on his trainee, and after a session, Peter begs to be shown a whole different array of exercises.
Review: This fic was a lovely surprise, very relatable and entertaining. Love myself an adorable Peter thirsting over Tony (can’t really judge lol), especially if it comes with a good amount of pining and hot, kinky smut :D
• Tipping the Scale by JayPendragon (E, 119k, completed)
Summary: Peter has a rhythm. A system. All runs like a well-oiled machine, engineering pun intended. Every wheel of his life is churning perfectly. He doesn’t expect Tony Stark of all people to throw a wrench in it.
Review: Hooker!AUs are my kryptonite, I’m so here for the “fuck first, talk later” and the general pining + misunderstandings + h/c combo this trope provides. This amazing longfic delivers it all with a well-paced, delicious slow burn told from Peter’s POV, which is always a delight to read and makes you fall even more in love with him. If you also enjoy this trope you’re in for a treat!
• To Catch a Spider by Thekeyandquill (E)
Summary: After the war, Peter Parker left his career as a spy behind to live a simple life in the south of France. But when someone frames him for the theft of plans for a new weapon, he must re-enter his old life and get close to the real thief's likely next target - one Tony Stark. A To Catch a Thief AU.
Review: TKAQ is so skilled their writing should be experienced like fine wine. Amazing research, top notch world building and characterization, and the loveliest atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re inside a movie. Clever, organic dialogue and a sexual tension so palpable you can almost taste it. This is a gem. Make sure to check their other works.
• Two White, Two Black, One Pink by @starkerforlife6969 (E) poly fic: Peter/Tony, Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Strange Summary: Peter has three (maybe one day: four) men in his life who mean the world to him. Review: Ugh, this fic is pure bliss. It has legit ruined me for any and all other poly fics. Words just cannot describe how gorgeous, poetic and unique SFL’s writing is, or how deeply it has affected me. So if you enjoy Mafia AUs, poly fics and soft-but-also-bamf!Peter taking care of Tony AND being taken care of by the men he loves, give this a chance and experience transcending storytelling.
• Uranium Heart by spqr (M, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU Summary: It’s probably better, Peter thinks, that he doesn’t know who his soulmate is. He wouldn’t want to lie to them about Spider-Man, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell them the truth, either.
Review: Be still my heart. This is such a gorgeous fic! Not only it combines two major tropes in a coherent 11k story, but I also appreciate how spqr explores these characters and their dynamics in a very unique and realistic way. I strongly recommend checking their other works, especially Landslide.
• Waiting Game by @cagestark (E, 6k, completed)
Summary: Peter hasn't seen Tony in fifteen years. Not since he had their hasty marriage annulled, graduated college, and moved across the country. Their twenty year high school reunion will find them reunited. They've both changed, but one thing hasn’t. Hint: it's their feelings for each other.
Review: This fic literally made my heart BURST WITH FEELS: the whole build up and anticipation, the slow disclosure of their past, the first uncertain moments of their reunion. I also appreciate the powerful and moving message underneath it all, that true healing comes after we overcome our demons at our own pace. A masterpiece.
• Wooing Peter Parker by Neuropsyche (E, 62.5k, completed)
Summary: Tony and Rhodey dodge the press and sneak into the library where they meet Peter Parker - who immediately catches Tony's eye. But Peter isn't a one and done kind of guy and Tony's going to have to work for what he wants this time.
Review: This is the kind of fic that warms you all over and makes you smile non stop. It has so many elements I love in fic: cute flirting, clever banter, hot sex, soft domesticity, boys being reasonable and talking their problems out for a change. If you’re looking for something light, sweet and honest, this series is a must read!
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Chaos Walking Review
7/10
As someone who didn’t read the book but expected a Hunger Games/Divergent type film, I really liked the movie. I wouldn’t call it my favorite film, but I’d watch it again.
Feel free to lmk what you think of the film!! (will be tagged chaos walking spoilers!)
**Spoilers under cut**
There were some parts that felt rushed / edited awkwardly, but that honestly could all come down to the shift in directors for the reshoots. There was only one scene that was clearly a reshoot— at the end when Tom’s shirtless because he is way too beefy for his 2017 self.
I really enjoyed how they depicted the Noise. I was thinking that’d be a make or break kind of deal because it could’ve been overwhelming or underwhelming in its depiction, but I think they did it just right.
Speaking of the Noise— Tom should be in a romcom because it’s obvious that he can pull off the awkward, hopeless romantic character. The scene when he thinks about kissing her and then goes and sits in the rain alone had me dying, it was such a good scene. And then to follow that up with when he’s sad and Viola goes “I’m not going to kiss you” to break the tension just made me go !!! because it was so cute. I kind of appreciate that they don’t get together at the end, like there was no forced/awkward make out scene. The hand holding was perfecttt.
Also I appreciate how Todd was such a likeable character but he wasn’t a repeat of Peter Parker. Tom started to get typecast as the friendly, awkward nerd (as seen with like Onward), so I’m glad that Todd was different from that typical character. He was still awkward, still didn’t understand how to talk to girls, but he was different than the typecast.
Harrison’s cameo had me wanting to screammmm. It’s like Harrison cosplaying as Joe Exotic, and tbh I’ve already blocked it out of my memory. Also was he actually talking or did they dub his voice with an American accent? Because they never showed his face while he talked, it was only ever his side profile. I thought Daisy Ridley would have the worst hair in the film (it looked bad in the promo but it was actually good in the film) but nope it was Harrison.
Tom trying to fight Nick Jonas’s character at the beginning was honestly such a great scene. They just played off each other so well, and it actually bums me out that we don’t have more of Tom and Nick interaction irl.
Just a little thing I noticed: in some shots when Tom would jump onto like a rock or something, he’d land like Spider-Man would land. I just thought that was kind of comical that you can see he’s so used to landing in that position that like he does it when he’s not playing Peter Parker. It makes me wonder if those similarities will pop up in Uncharted if he has to stick a landing.
I was not expecting to see Tom’s ass in this film. Everyone talked about his ass in Cherry but in here it’s full ass for comedic relief. The scene itself was hilarious, and I think the ass was a nice touch (the whole theater was laughing).
Did the Preacher die? I feel like that character was a bit muddled. He hates the women and hates dogs but did he die? Did Viola really just set him on fire and poof he disappeared into smoke? Was he the mayor’s noise? I just really don’t know but I think I’d understand better if I read the book— I wish the movie had given a line to explain it.
Also did Ben (is it Ben?) die? I couldn’t tell if he was dying or severely wounded or dead at the end, and Viola doesnt tell Todd anything about him so?? Again, there could’ve been a line to explain it better.
I kind of wish they’d continue the series, but I doubt that they will because it went over budget and Tom probably wouldnt return.
Lastly, I’m a bit upset over how Tom’s treating this film. It’s one thing to dislike the movie you’re a part of, but you still should put on a good front to promote it. He had no excuse to not promo the film other than he personally didn’t want to. No actor/actress loves every work they’re involved in but they promote it and move on. He has the biggest fanbase in the film, so it’s kind of like he set the movie up to fail by not posting about it even once because a regular fan who doesn’t remember a movie from 4+ years ago won’t know about it, even if they follow him on social media. It’s like he didn’t give it a chance after the reshoots (didn’t he say recently he hasn’t seen the final cut?). Yes, he probably has his own personal reasons to not like the film anymore, but, as someone who’s seen a lot of his filmography, I think this is one of his better non-Spider-Man roles. It’s disappointing that he’s treating it so poorly.
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Tagged by the always lovely @myletternevercame. Thanks babe < 3
how many works do you have on AO3? 57
what’s your total ao3 word count? 18,2645 (dang!)
what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Acts of Man | Merlin | Merlin/Arthur
Nightmares | PJO | Jason/Percy
Looking for the Things We Lost | Teen Wolf | Peter/Stiles
Here I Am (Stuck in the Middle With You) | PJO | Jason/Percy
The Legend is True | Teen Wolf | Peter/Stiles
do you respond to comments, why or why not? I try to as often as I can. When I first post something and I get an influx of comments, I try to do it once a day. But when I get random comments on old stuff, I often forget to go back and reply, but I read every single one, and I do try to remember to write back.
what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Oh man. Most of my fics happy endings... But the happiest?? Probably Acts of Man, since it's a Christmas fic and it has this kind of storybook coda on the end of it.
what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Hmm. My older fics tended to be a little more angsty and open ended... probably this old Sterek fic Those Who Hunt Us or this Isaac Lahey study Bygone
do you write crossovers? Not much anymore, but I did a cool 3 sentence fic challenge back in 2014 and each prompt (from tumblr folks at the time) were things like MJN air + Supernatural or Sherlock and John work at Mooby's. I also have a soft spot for this Sherlock/Cowboy Bebop xover cleverly called 221Bebop: Honky Tonk Woman. And of course, there is the abandoned HP/Sherlock crossover bestie and I started and will never finish, so IDK why I even bring it up. Actually come to think of it, I also had the Sherlock Monstrumologist one... I just wrote a lot of Sherlock xover fic back in the day, huh.
have you ever received hate on a fic? Not on AO3 comments. I haven't gotten some odd reviews/comments, but I have been very fortunate to have not experienced much of this in my 20+ years in fandom.
do you write smut? if so, what kind? Yes. All of the kinds?? I remember thinking it was such a big deal to write a "lemon" back int the day, and now it's old hat. Of course, I can't really write PWPs (I think I have one maybe??), I always have to write a giant backstory just to get to the good stuff (see my 18k GW beast of a fic for a lemon/smut fest. smhd)
have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I'm aware of...
have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! And it's such an insanely wonderful honor. I've also had fics written that are inspired by mine and I just... blanket permission to anyone who wants to remix, translate, art, whatever my work. It's so flattering.
Most recently, I had Black Sails in the Sunset translated into Portuguese.
have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, but it was abandoned. I would love to do something like that again. Or something slightly different, like a comic *cough*@bettertasting*cough*
what’s your all-time favourite ship? How does one even answer that? Heero/Duo was the ship that got me into fandom; Harry/Draco is something I will still occasionally return to when I want like nostalgic comfort; Merlin/Arthur has some of the best fanworks I've ever consumed and they feel more like canon works than fanon; I've been reading and writing Stiles/Peter for like 5 years now... So, this is my non-answer. IDK man. I have a whole fleet and I'm ok with that.
what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I had this idea for a Stranger Things OT3 fic at the end of Season 1, and then I wrote the first chapter and never posted it or wrote more before Season 2 dropped, and meh. I'll never go back to it. I loved the idea, but the characters have changed so much, I don't think I could capture what I wanted anymore. Maybe I'll post my WIPs I'll never finish someday and clean out my WIP folder.
what are your writing strengths? I think I'm funny and can inject that well into characters? And I like to think that I am good at writing in the character voice.
what are your writing weaknesses? If I need a "real" plot. Like, I cannot write case fics or mission fics or anything like that. I spent ages reworking my last fic so I could "Kevin Smith" the action by only have characters talk about some stuff that happened to them, and never see any of it on screen.
what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I think I would take the easy way out and do it like: "blah blah blah" she said in French; or "she let out a rant in French" but never actually worry about translating anything.
what was the first fandom you wrote for? Gundam Wing! And back at it 20 years later!
what’s your favourite fic you’ve written? Hmmm. I really do like the last fic I wrote, my reentry to GW:
Our Love Keeps the Things it Finds | Gundam Wing | Heero/Duo/Trowa
And on the other end of the spectrum, and short 500 word fic that I really, really love:
A Slow Deep Panic | PJO | pre-Jason/Percy-ish
ok tagging: @punchedbymarkesmith @gatesofdisorder @lolahardy @pineappleglazedham @gentleranium @theheadgirl and you! Yes, you! Do you write fic? Are we mutuals? Do you want me to tag you in things? Let me know by doing this and tagging me!
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Despair For Castiel: A Review
From a series of posts before and after watching:
Before:
As far as I'm concerned, I'm now imagining the Empty having to deal with Gabriel and Balthazar redecorating the Empty into the angel/demon afterlife (probably with a lot of wacky alternate realities and bad porno) with all the free will angels and redemptive demons invited, Cas finding Meg and eventually Jack again for his true happy ending that he can have and Crowley probably trying to install himself as king again. Then when Rowena finally exits as Queen of Hell, she'll join and Crowley will annoyed, but Gabriel will be happy to see her again. LOL.
Megstielers also got robbed hard with all that setup of Cas still pining for Meg for YEARS, the Empty using her image (not Dean!) to taunt him (the Empty clearly saw Meg in Cas' head when it could have taken the form of anyone, including Cas like last time) and a whole dropped plot thread that Cas made a deal with Ruby to break a demon out of the Empty, which only makes sense with the one and only demon he'd actually want to let out of the Empty. That's dangling one 'ship a whole bunch of carrots (like every single Clarence reference for a decade) to rip the rug out from under them.
I suppose I should've seen it coming when the previously on segment for 15x13 was a Pizza Man and the Babysitter retrospective that shoved Cas out of the Pizza Man role beside Babysitter Nurse Meg to shove Dean into Megstiel's sexy times meme. I guess it turned Cas into just Dean's Baby in a Trench Coat (which was an insult about being useless to Dean's cause without powers, which suggests Cas has no worth to him otherwise), since he got infantilized with the removal of the Pizza Man originally being him.
I still haven't watched the episode. The Tumblr crap is that off-putting.
What should've been an epic moment in Cas' story is now tainted by his love of humanity, found family and free will (his real love story is with all of humanity and finding belonging, in spite of always being on the outside looking in on a life he can't have because he's not human) being reduced to horny girls who just want fetish smut with Dean and don't give a fig about canon Cas outside of a toxic, abusive crack!ship. It's always so immature and vapid!
It was immediately clear when I joined the fandom that shockingly few gave a crap about any character but Dean, even refusing to see what he's become in later seasons. Also numerous examples where they admit having not seen the show in a decade or only knowing the show via manipulative .gif sets. Cas and Sam (if they remember him at all) are just props or prizes to be won. They ignore context of familial/platonic relationships. Canon love interests aren't good enough because they're not the big prize of being a main. I also note the deluge of Wincest girls who hate Cas for existing (he's in their way) in the anti-Destiel tag.
I can't say the .gifs are making me want to watch, even though the dialog is vague enough to still fit Cas' actual character for the general audience who isn't glued to social media.
As for Dean's non-reaction, I had similar problems with Jensen's constipated acting back in 15x03 when Cas finally walked away while Dean looked like he couldn't care less, which the writers coincidentally praised Jensen for (holy crap that interview was up his backside) and completely ignored Misha actually giving a good performance in a scene that actually meant something long coming for Cas. I certainly can't say the same about the quality of this scene, which just looks forced on both ends.
I hope I like the episode more than the sounds of it, but my hopes aren't high. This is not how I wanted Cas' final moments on the show to be.
After:
Well, I got up the stomach to watch it tonight. Thankfully, in context, it definitely got blown way out of proportion by what the Hellers turned it into (as usual). Yeah, even when watching while unfortunately not blind to the wackadoodle fandom discourse, it played out better on screen than the .gifs. And frankly, a whole lot less like creepy Care Bear stare nightmare fuel than the few choice screenshots kept showing (yikes). I still wish Sam and Jack had been there, because they're just as much part of what connected Cas to feeling like part of a family (even more so in the later years), but it's not the total monstrosity it was turned into online.
Average viewers who just take canon as is without trying to read into it what they want to be there instead, IMO, will safely interpret it platonically (even if coming after a particularly hellish few years in Dean's personality rot where the whole friendship was beginning to be questionable) more often than not because that's what the canon has said for a dozen years. Again, I repeat that Cas already told the Winchesters he loved them when he thought he was dying.
It's a crime to have Cas' perfect philia (brotherly), storge (parental) and agape-style (sacrificial and unconditional) loves being immaturely twisted into eros in a way that degrades the whole meaning of the character's journey. People telling each other they love one another when it's not sexual should never be mocked into being afraid to do so because of this insidious, willful misinterpretation. If only somebody had told Cas they love him instead of him always being the one with his heart on his sleeve!
This character went from being tortured into a robotic, emotionless, ancient, not-remotely-humanoid being who couldn't relate to the simplest of human needs to being someone deeply in love with humanity and wanting to find belonging amongst it despite knowing it would always end with him watching them all grow old and die after having families and such experiences angels are forbidden from having (another reason why Jack was so important to Cas' story).
The wording is valid for that philia/agape interpretation, given Cas definitely equated Dean (whom Cas watched sacrificing himself for Sam endlessly, including why he had to be raised from perdition in the first place) with a guide role in his learning to understand humanity and proudly-defiant free will before he could love it. It's valid enough to say that Cas wouldn't have broken his programming permanently without being challenged to question everything he'd ever believed and give up his entire angelic belonging. That much of it did begin with Cas just happening to be the angel who succeeded in the Hell rescue.
Obviously, it's also canon that Cas had a long history of not following orders and getting lobotomized by Naomi, but Cas actually understanding humanity and what free will means did happen only after this particular rebellion. I'm very glad at least that was in the speech, but of course, it's being hopelessly ignored.
I stand by my interpretation that what Cas can't have has always been the tragic version of The Little Mermaid where she turns into sea foam in the end. Cas has always looked in on what everyone else takes for granted from the outsider's perspective. There's a part of him that will always be left out, no matter how well he learns to fit in and how much those around him begin to treat him as a real person. Cas never really got to truly belong with humanity, no matter how much he loves and is loved by it. He's also not getting to stay where he wants to be. There's no Pinocchio ending for Cas that turns him into a real Winchester.
Sadly, Dean's constant othering of him and Jack like they're just more monsters to hunt only alienated them more. Jack was someone Cas could relate to as a supernatural being capable of human emotions, which might also have furthered his draw towards Meg. Sam was also someone Cas could relate to as freaks and abominations amongst their own kinds. Sam always had that same struggle, also with his own family. It goes a long way towards explaining why Sam was always so empathetic to Cas and Jack in a way that Dean couldn't be. All three kept conflicting with that black & white humans = good/other = bad mindset that sometimes creeps in with Dean. When Cas was Dean's "best friend" in the early days, he rationalized it by thinking of Cas as being "like" a human ("You used to be human, or at least like one.").
Yet it still remains true that Cas often found himself looking to Dean to teach him about humanity back when he didn't know enough about it to be inconspicuous amongst them. Dean gave him the crash course in both what humanity is willing to do for each other, but also its flaws and failings at the same time.
Perhaps the saddest scenes in the episode were actually Sam watching everyone poof in front of him. Sam has really been forced to watch a lot of death scenes this season all by himself (as with Rowena), but he looked the most broken by Eileen's. Cas is going to be hard on him, because I genuinely think Sam was far closer to him in the end. Sam was the one who actually was trying to reach out to Cas when Dean repeatedly kept him out of the loop. Sam being left out from the final words with Cas or even hearing first-hand about the deal with the Empty just furthers that tragedy. While Dean has been raging at everything in sight, Sam and Cas have both looked broken, sad and tired all season.
#castiel#anti-destiel#dean critical#anti-dean winchester#megstiel#team free will#dean winchester#sam winchester#meg masters#jack kline#eileen leahy#saileen#spn#supernatural#spn 15x18#spn s15#s15#despair
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February 8, 2021: The English Patient (Part 2)
Before I get started up again, just another note here about the movies of this month: infidelity.
Can we, like...stop? Why do so many of these movies revolve around at least one party cheating on their partner? It’s a trend I genuinely hate, and I feel like somebody has taken some wrong messages from films like this. Namely, that it’s OK to cheat on your partner if TRUE LOVE is involved! Probably broken up a hell of a lot of relationships, honestly.
OK, rant over. On with the show!
The affair continues in earnest, as the war escalates. On the eve of Geoffrey and Katherine’s wedding anniversary, he’s planning on surprising her. It’s revealed that he works with David Caravaggio, AKA Moose, a spy for British Intelligence. However, this doesn’t end well for David, as he’s soon captured by German forces.
See, they’ve received intel about his spy work from an unknown source, whom David fully believes is Almásy. And as he’s tortured for names...the German interrogator cuts off his thumbs. And it’s...fuck me, man, it’s rough as HELL. I’m gonna post the video, but be warned: it’s a tense and intense moment
youtube
In the present, Caravaggio reveals that he’s killed both the man who cut off his thumbs, and the man who took pictures that incriminated him. But there’s one more man: the one who showed the Germans how to get into Cairo in the first place. He believes that that traitor is Almásy, a cartographer.
Back in the past, Almásy and Madox talk about the war, and it’s revealed that their expedition may soon be forced to come to an end as a result. Katherine also feels the same about their affair, and the two decide to end it for the sake of Katherine’s marriage. Not that Almásy is happy about that, mind you.
After making a fool of himself at a dinner with the entire expedition, he also basically assaults Katherine, and I DO NOT LIKE IT, DEAR LORD. Yeah, he’s hurt and he misses her, but he acts like what he would call a cad, and what I would call a dick. Jeez.
In the modern day (so to speak), Hana and Kip are starting their own flirting and romance at the monastery. And based on how things tend to go for Hana and everybody she loves...yeah, damn, I’m not optimistic for Kip’s chances. Still, I’m happy for them at the moment, no matter how this ends. Seriously, they’re cute, and I like it.
But, uh, the next morning, there’s a bomb that Kip needs to defuse. After spending the night together, Hana asks him not to go, as she’s understandably afraid that he won’t come back. I am, too, as they’ve found a BIG-ASS bomb nearby. And in the process of disarming it, the bomb becomes armed.
At the same time, a bunch of American tanks start parading through the town, vibrating everything, including the bomb. After dropping his tools, and not knowing if the bomb can be disarmed...he successfully disarms the bomb. And in the process, it’s revealed that Germany has officially surrendered, hence the celebration.
But the celebration is cut short when Kip’s friend Hardy is killed by a booby-trapped statue (yeah, really), and he descends into a deep melancholia. As Hana is waiting, she overhears Caravaggio’s conversation with Almásy, where Almásy finally confirms that he wasn’t a spy. So...who was? Well, I have a hunch.
Madox apparently killed himself after finding out that Almásy was a spy, which he claims not to have been. But the Cliftons also apparently were killed, and Caravaggio blames Almásy for that. However, we soon see exactly what happened.
Remember that surprise Geoffrey had planned? Well, surprise, it’s an attempted murder-suicide!
I think the spy was Geoffrey. Makes sense, honestly. He knew about the affair, and planned to kill himself, Katherine, and Almásy in one shot. As for why I think he’s the spy, well, the spy needed to know their way through the desert, and needed to be a cartographer. Geoffrey fits that just as well as Almásy does, and he’s been away doing God knows what throughout the film.
Anyway, Geoffrey dies in the crash, and both Katherine and Almásy survive. Katherine’s pretty badly hurt, but Almásy gets her out, and to safety. On the walk to safety, she reveals that she’s always loved him, and never stopped doing so. Which is good that she told him. Because Almásy leaves her at the Cave of Swimmers to get some help from the nearest town...and I’m pretty sure she won’t be alive when he gets back.
Almásy makes it to the town of El-Tag, after walking for three days. But upon revealing his non-English last name, he’s immediately under suspicion as a German spy or some such, and they refuse to help him get back to her. They instead knock him out and arrest him. They literally put this dude on a TRAIN, and he ESCAPES AND JUMPS OFF OF IT to save her. Goddamn.
Eventually, he gets back with the help of the Germans, but does so by...giving them the maps through the desert.
Oh. Fuck. So Caravaggio’s fate actually WAS his fault. Even then, though, he decides that he can’t kill Almásy for something that was entirely not his fault. Meanwhile, Kip’s leaving, having been redeployed to a new location. He speaks on his feelings for his fallen friend, as well as his feelings for Hana. The two lovebirds agree to meet again, and I’m rooting for them.
And speaking of feelings...Almásy does make his way back to Katherine, using Madox’s plane to get to the Cave. But unfortunately...he’s far too late. Katherine’s passed away since he’s been gone. Goddamn.
And as Almásy remembers, he also confesses to Hana that he wishes to die. He asks her to overdose him with morphine. Oh, and by the way, sorry if I haven’t been super funny for a bit, but...fuckin’ WHOOF, this film is heavy as shit. It’s not getting better on that front, because Hana agrees to do it. As he remembers Katherine’s death one last time...Hana reads him to sleep with Katherine’s final letter. She and Caravaggio leave the monastery, with Almásy‘s book in Hana’s arms now.
Hana’s face
And, uh...that’s the English Patient. Jesus. Just...wow. See you in the Review, I gotta take a break.
#the english patient#anthony minghella#ralph fiennes#juliette binoche#willem dafoe#kristin scott thomas#naveen andrews#colin firth#user365#365 movie challenge#365 movies 365 days#365 Days 365 Movies#365 movies a year#romance february
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WandaVision series review part 3.
You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson now--save the damn draft before you switch tabs to find the tags you want to add. But I haven't. Clearly.
The last two weeks I've posted parts 1 and 2 of my WandaVision review, because, even though by the time this goes up, WandaVision will have ended nearly a month ago, it's still all I can think about. Part 1 contained my initial thoughts and episodes 1-3 breakdown; part 2 contained episodes 4-6 breakdown, and this part will contain my episodes 6-9 breakdown and my final thoughts.
Episode Seven: ‘Breaking the Fourth Wall’ This episode was released on February 19th, with a runtime of still 37 minutes, following a 2000s-style sitcom format heavily influenced by Modern Family.
Cue the recap, and we open to Wanda waking up in an empty bed. We then cut to an interview-style scene which I assume is based off Modern Family or another sitcom, like the interviews intermingled with reality TV, but there’s nothing to really pick apart; it’s just entertaining. The twins then run into Wanda’s bedroom and tell her their ‘game is freaking out’, and we see their controllers change over and over with that scarlet-TV texture. Billy comments that his head is noisy, an echo of the power shown in episode six, similar to Wanda’s own.
Interview-Wanda then says as punishment for expanding the borders, she plans on taking ‘a quarantine-style stay-cation’, which, written probably in 2019, did not age well. She goes downstairs to make milk, and it transforms between a carton and a bottle. These object shifts may be implying as Wanda expands the borders, she loses more and more control of even the things right beside her--the Hex is falling apart.
Cut to Hayward and SWORD setting up a new camp beside the new border of the Hex, but further back than before, likely to give them more time to move if it happens again.
Vision then wakes up in the circus the original SWORD camp was turned into, and, looking like his synthezoid self, is assumed to be a clown. He then sees Darcy, dressed as an escape artist, but she doesn’t remember him, clearly under Wanda’s control.
Wanda asks the twins if they’ve seen Vision, they ask if she wants them to look for him, and she replies, ‘If he doesn’t want to be here, there’s nothing I can do about it.’ It seems like she’s trying to defer her guilt at what she’s down to the townspeople. The twins then ask about Pietro--’Do not believe anything that man said. He is not your uncle.’ We saw Wanda blast him into a haystack towards the end of the last episode, but now he’s simply vanished. Wanda then laughs that she has none of the answers they expect her to, and makes some nihilistic comments. She uses her magic to open the door to a knock, and enter Agnes, who takes the kids next door to give Wanda some alone time. The furniture then begins to shift into pieces from the other decades, but Wanda fixes it.
Cut to Jimmy and Monica in a military vehicle they stole in the last episode, and Jimmy explains in Darcy’s hacking, she found a secret project called Cataract, to bring Vision back online--to fix the Vision. But it failed, until Wanda brought him back, which was why Hayward was so focused on Vision over Wanda in the Hex. They then meet some non-SWORD military people, who unveil a higher-grade vehicle, presumably for Monica to attempt to safely re-enter the Hex.
God, I love seeing Darcy in this show. She was the only good thing about the first two Thor movies. So Vision zaps Darcy, and she wakes up. They steal a circus vehicle--a transformed SWORD vehicle--and Vision asks her some questions about the Hex she doesn’t actually know the answers to.
The tension really builds in this episode, simply as it cuts between characters in much shorter intervals than in previous ones. We watch a montage of things in Wanda’s house shifting, then cut to an interview, where she explains that she doesn’t know what’s happening. Then, the person behind the camera asks, ‘Do you think maybe this is what you deserve?’ The voice doesn’t sound familiar, but knowing who the interviewer is, I can hear it. Wanda questions this because the interviewer isn’t supposed to talk, then cut to this episode’s advert.
This is for a drug called Nexus--’A unique anti-depressant that works to anchor you back to your reality. Or the reality of your choice.’ ‘Nexus. Because the world doesn’t revolve around you. Or does it?’ As someone who hasn’t actually read any comics, this information is very second-hand, but a Nexus Being in the comics is a powerful being with the power to alter reality and time--essentially in possession of the Infinity Stones’ powers without possessing the Stones themselves. This brings with it the implication that is what Wanda is--more than just a girl who got powers from the Mind Stone, but Nexus Beings aren’t elaborated on in the rest of the show.
Cut to Agnes and the twins; Billy says he likes it there, because Agnes’s mind is quiet, which is compared to Wanda. I want to explain the implications of this, but I’ve been trying to only spoil things as I get to them, so I’m going to keep my mouth shut, or rather... what’s the keyboard equivalent? God knows. Anyway, Agnes tells them not to worry about Wanda, because ‘she’s supermom’, which, you know, is a fun superhero thing.
Cut back to Monica, who prepares some kind of suit to re-enter the Hex. She gets in, and drives toward the barrier, but when the wheels meet it, they fail to pass, and begin to drive up the barrier, flipping Monica onto her back. The vehicle begins to rewrite itself and break apart; Monica manages to clamber out of a trapdoor in the roof. Jimmy prepares a medical thing, and the barrier spits out the vehicle. Monica turns back, drops her helmet, and plunges into the barrier, and presses through. Her body warps, we hear echoes of Captain Marvel, we hear Carol’s quote about Maria being given the toughest kid, and her body reforms, her eyes light up blue, and she passes all the way through, eyes still glowing, and we see a shots of her warped vision, almost as though she can see energy or EM radiation.
Darcy tries to explain why Wanda killed Vision to him, and though the road is empty, a traffic light is red. As it turns green, roadworkers approach, impeding them and preventing Vision from returning to central Westview.
Monica enters Wanda’s house, who threatens her, and lifts her telekinetically out onto the street, where she is watched by the neighbours. Wanda drops Monica to the ground, but she pulls a superhero landing, with blue lights for effect--her DNA has been rewritten by the Hex’s borders for the third time, and it’s clearly unlocked something. Wanda continues to threaten her, and Monica says to do it--’Don’t let [Hayward] make you the villain,’ to which Wanda replies, ‘Maybe I already am.’ Which is fair, but then villains never think they’re the bad guys.
Agnes watches them from a window. Monica tries to talk Wanda down, then Agnes comes outside, tells Monica to leave, and takes her inside. The people haven’t questioned Wanda’s magic, or Monica’s apparent new powers, which merely shows the extent of Wanda’s control. It’s also interesting that Monica didn’t fall under her control again when she re-entered the Hex.
Cut to Vision and Darcy, the roadworks clear away, but someone with a stop sign and a queue of crossing children continue to block their way. Vision phases through the van’s roof, and flies away.
Wanda notices the kids’ show on Agnes’s TV, and the half-eaten food on the coffee table, and realises the twins are missing. She asks, and Agnes tells her they’re probably in the basement, where Wanda then obviously goes. The basement walls are covered in branches, made of stone, and there is no reply when Wanda calls for the twins. She then enters an ancient chamber, walls engraved with runes, and a spellbook on the side.
Agnes comes downstairs, stroking Senor Scratchy, the rabbit Wanda and Vision used in their magic act way back in episode two, and says, ‘You didn’t think you were the only magical girl in town, did you?’ Agnes shuts the door with a twist of her hand and some purple sparks.
‘The name’s Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear.’
Purple fogs Wanda’s eyes, and cue the best moment in the entire series: Agatha All Along. This musical number essentially shows that Agatha has been behind everything that’s gone wrong for Wanda, aside from SWORD, obviously, and is such a good song. Go listen to it. Now. Immediately. Go.
We see her screw up the magic show, send Pietro to the door, and we see her sitting behind the interview camera.
‘And I killed Sparky, too.’ Insert maniacal laughter, and cue the credits.
We sit through to the split between the animated credits and typical black and white scrolling ones, and this episode has an mid-credits scene. I checked for one the first few episodes, then gave up, and I can’t remember what it was that made me find this one, if it was just letting the credits play, or feeling the odd urge to check, or what.
We watch Monica try to find a way into Agatha’s house. She pulls open basement doors, then--’Snooper’s gonna snoop.’ Fake Pietro stands behind her, dressed in a beanie, hair no longer mostly white as per Quicksilver’s design.
This is my second-favourite episode overall, first being episode 8, and contains the biggest switch since episode 4. We meet the big bad, since Marvel is literally incapable of writing a story in which the climax isn’t between the hero and a villain with their exact same powers. (WandaVision takes this to the extreme, but that would be a spoiler.)
Episode Eight: ‘Previously On’ Released February 26th, Marvel blessed us with an episode 46 minutes long! At last! This was the second episode to completely break the sitcom format (first being episode 4, obviously), which leaves us in 2000s-themed Westview, but without a laugh track or any other sitcom elements.
We open with a recap, including Jimmy Woo’s explanation of Wanda and Pietro’s origins pre-Avengers from what I believe was episode 5. Or was it 4? Probably 4, because it was really soon after Hayward was introduced, in episode 4. Yes. Let’s go with that.
This episode opens in Salem, Massachusetts, 1693, and we watch Agatha dragged to and magically tied to a stake, to be killed for betraying her coven of witches, by practising dark magic, but she denies it. She then relents and admits it, begs for help to control it, but the witches blast some kind of blue magic at her, which Agatha turns violet, and absorbs, killing the witches wielding it. The witch she calls mother, who also seems to be the leader of the coven, blasts her with magic after the others are dead, and as she does so, a kind of crown of the same blue light glows around her head (something I would neither notice nor question if I had not yet watched the series the whole way through). Agatha absorbs her magic and kills her, too. She steals a necklace from her mother, flies away, and we cut back to present.
Wanda tries to penetrate Agatha’s mind, but she tells her her thoughts were never available--a repeat of Billy calling her mind ‘quiet’ in episode 7, but I’m not actually sure the point of this, aside from limiting information available to both Wanda and the audience. Wanda’s Sokovian accent also returns in this scene. She tries to use her magic, but Agnes puts her in magical binds and explains that the runes in the walls mean ‘only the witch who cast the runes can use her magic’. Agatha also explains how she possessed fake Pietro--Fietro--not so she could control his mind, but so she could see through his eyes and ears.
Agatha questions how Wanda cast so many spells to control so many people, so many objects and locations all at once, when she had no magical training, which confuses Wanda because she doesn’t use incantations the way Agatha does; her magic is more through willpower and intention.
Agatha then brings Wanda through a door, in an attempt to comprehend how she did it, and it leads them to an old, one-room living space in Sokovia--Wanda’s childhood, before her parents died. They prepare for a TV night, and their father invites young Wanda to pick, showing her a box containing various sitcoms--Bewitched, Malcolm in the Middle, I love Lucy, Who’s the Boss?, The Addams Family etc.--many of which acted as the basis for episodes of WandaVision, but she chooses The Dick Van Dyke Show. This love of sitcoms, the ideation in comparison to the Cold War outside, is where Wanda’s subconscious choice of making Westview into one--her version of a paradise for herself and Vision.
Then a bomb goes off outside, killing their parents and leaving Wanda and Pietro in rubble. A bomb lands before them, Stark Industries written on the side, but their television is behind it, and Dick Van Dyke still plays.
Cut back to present Wanda and Agatha; Wanda says the bomb was defective, but they were trapped for two days, and Agatha implies it not going off was Wanda’s doing, believing her to be a witch like herself.
They move onto a HYDRA testing chamber, where teenage volunteer-Wanda stands near the sceptre from The Avengers, the one Thanos gave to Loki, the one containing the Mind Stone. She moves toward it, and the sceptre’s blue orb breaks from the handle; floats towards her. She touches it, and it bursts, revealing the yellow Mind Stone inside, and letting out a kind of wind blast. In the light, Wanda sees a silhouette reminiscent of the original Scarlet Witch design.
They take Wanda to isolation, and we watch some scientist replay the tape from the testing chamber, but in the footage, the orb doesn’t move; she moves to the room’s centre, then it cuts to her lying on the ground.
Agatha concludes that the Mind Stone amplified a dormant power, and they move to a memory of the Avengers compound post-Avengers: Age of Ultron. Past-Wanda is grieving for Pietro, Vision enters her room, and she invites him to sit. They discuss the comedy on her TV, then he asks if she wants to talk about her grief, and she describes it as ‘this wave washing over [her], again and again. It knocks [her] down, and when [she tries] to stand up, it just comes for [her] again.’ Vision tries to reassure her, then says the thing that everyone’s been quoting but hit me hard: ‘But what is grief, if not love persevering?’
Agatha asks present-Wanda what happened when there was no-one there to pull her back from the dark, and when Wanda refuses, she presses. They shift into the SWORD compound, where past-Wanda approaches the desk demanding to be given Vision’s body post-Avengers: Endgame. This is the point from the CCTV Hayward showed Monica, Darcy, and Jimmy, claiming Wanda stole Vision’s body.
The receptionist calls somebody, and sends her down the hall, and I can’t help but notice that in her grief, in her hoodie and jeans, her hair is perfectly curled. She goes to Hayward’s office, who takes her into a windowed chamber, beneath which she can see mechanics/engineers doing something to Vision’s body, colour faded and parts broken up. The eyes in his severed head are white, and Wanda is upset, but Hayward questions why she wants to bury him, when she has the power to ‘bring [her] soulmate back online.’ But Wanda says she can’t do it, like when she refused to bring back Sparky, and Hayward tells her his materials are too valuable to just be buried, but offers her the chance to say goodbye. He tells her Vision isn’t hers, and she shatters the glass; lowers herself into the room.
Hayward calls off the guards who raise their guns at her. She lifts her power to his head, where the mind stone was: ‘I can’t feel you,’ reminiscent of the I just feel you, in Avengers: Infinity War, when the Stone bothered him in the night in Scotland. And she leaves, without the body, proving to the audience that Hayward is a liar.
Wanda drives to Westview, real Westview, where she watches the people go about their regular lives, but they seem sad. They all seem sad. She drives to a plot, the outline of a house marked by a concrete foundation, holding a piece of paper from an envelope in the car. She unfolds it to find a plan for the house: To grow old in. -V. Wanda breaks down in what is presumably the plot she turned into their house in the Hex, and her power explodes from her, in huge gusts we’ve never seen. The house forms itself, then it goes further, transforming the town and turning it to monochrome in preparation for WandaVision episode one.
Streams of power turn gold in the air, and form the silhouette of a body, which solidifies into Vision, black and white Vision, dressed in 50s clothes. Wanda remains in colour, in her regular clothes, then she turns to monochrome, to her 50s outfit, and Vision greets her. And despite the seriousness of this scene I can’t get over the damn bullet bra.
And the pair sit down to watch the television, then the surroundings shift, and we see present-Wanda in her 2000s living room, but in a set, with empty seats for a live audience before her. Agatha claps from them, then vanishes. We hear the twins yell, and Wanda comes outside to find Agatha magically garrotting them, dressed in full-witchy attire.
Agatha describes Wanda as ‘a being capable of spontaneous creation’, calls it chaos magic--’And that makes you the Scarlet Witch.’ I feel like I ought to say roll credits, only that’s not even the name of the show. Before WandaVision’s title was officially announced, I remember seeing speculation that it would simply be called Vision and the Scarlet Witch, like Falcon and the Winter Soldier.
The credits roll, and, halfway through, we cut to Hayward and SWORD outside the Hex. Hayward goes into a tent, describes all their hard work at something, ‘but all we needed was a little energy directly from the source;’ and we’re shown the missile Wanda dragged out of the Hex in episode 5, glowing red. Someone flips a switch, and we watch lights turn on in a glass chamber, containing Vision, rendered in pure white, who wakes up. Another Vision, made from the original, and yet before this episode, due to the constant thing about twins, people were speculating there were two Wandas. Wrong character, right idea.
This is my favourite episode in the show: it’s magical, and it makes everything make so much more sense. We see that the Hex’s creation was an accident, but Wanda was ‘making it up as [she went] along,’ like the theme song in, I believe, episode 5. I just love origin stories.
Episode Nine: ‘The Series Finale’ This finale was released on March 5th, with a grand total of 49 minutes of runtime, and, epic as it was, I found it to be rather disappointing, following a fairly typical Marvel formula, compared to the originality of the rest of the series. Granted, parts of this episode in particular were shot in 2020, so they didn’t quite go as planned, but still. The CGI is excellent though.
We open to exactly where we left off; Wanda frees the twins and sends them inside, then sends a blast at Agatha, who absorbs it-- ‘I take power from the undeserving. It’s kinda my thing’--and Wanda’s hand begins to blacken. Agatha offers her Westview in return for her magic, which Wanda obviously doesn’t accept. White Vision lands behind her, and she goes to him, confused. He places his hands on her face, but presses, trying to crack her skull, and it becomes clear he is doing Hayward’s bidding.
In sweeps Wanda’s Westview-Vision (who we’ll call Red Vision) and blasts White Vision away. The two swoop off together for their own fight, Wanda flies after Agatha, and we see Monica locked in a messy living room with Fietro, where she has presumably been since the end of episode 7.
The Visions fight each other, in that classic Marvel way of pitting the hero against a villain with an identical skillset (I’m looking at you, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and basically every other movie. Seriously, Marvel needs to make more villains like Loki, instead of introducing them at the start of a film and having them somehow taken out of the equation by the end). It’s a cool sequence, as they phase through each other and plummet up and down. I love flying sequences.
At SWORD, Jimmy calls out Hayward, saying he won’t be able to cover this out, but Hayward says Wanda stopped her show, so there’s no evidence, and there’ll only be one Vision by the end, who people will assume Wanda resurrected. But Jimmy says he has called some friends from Quantico--whatever that is--to expose Hayward, who handcuffs him, but Jimmy is a magician, so he frees himself and actually calls somebody to apprehend Hayward.
Wanda arrives in the town square, to no sign of Agatha, and is then blasted to the ground by her from behind. Agatha summons a book we saw in her basement: ‘The Scarlet Witch is not born, she is formed. She has no coven, no need for incantation. [Her] power exceeds that of the Sorcerer Supreme’--Doctor Strange--’It’s [her] destiny to destroy the world.’ But Wanda denies that she is a witch. Agatha casts a spell on Dottie from episode 2, apparently bringing her back to consciousness. She tells Wanda her name is Sarah, and begs her to let her bring her daughter out of her room. Wanda accuses Agatha, who replies, ‘She’s your meat puppet. I just cut her strings.’ I just love that line, for some reason.
Agatha casts another spell, and everyone in the square returns to their senses, approaches and surrounds Wanda.
Monica finds a document in the room with Fietro, that says his name is Ralph Bohner. This was incredibly unsatisfying to me--it’s interesting that Fietro is actually the Ralph Agnes constantly mentioned, but nothing else comes of this, and, as of the end of the series, Pietro and his changed face are simply an elaborate boner joke. I wish his face had some kind of relevance as of now, but it may become relevant in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, because that’s obviously where we’re really going to delve into the multiverse, and it features Wanda, so it would make sense.
Monica pins down Ralph and tears a string of beads from his neck, which glowed purple; the thing allowing Agatha to control him.
In the twins’ room, Billy has a vision (heh) of what is happening with Wanda, and they run outside.
The people around Wanda bombard her with their real stories, their real problems. ‘When you let us sleep, we have your nightmares.’ She yells that she’s kept these people safe, but they beg to be freed, and the noise builds, until Wanda screams, with a burst of power that toes ropes around their necks, suffocating them, but she stops it. Mrs Hart begs her, ‘If you won’t let us go, just let us die.’ Agatha taunts her that heroes don’t torture people, and she sends out a blast of power, that highlights the Hex’s border crimson, and it begins to break apart. She tells them all to leave now.
His white counterpart blasts Red vision to the ground, near Wanda but he begins to break apart. The twins arrive, and begin to break apart, tied to the Hex. It looks weirdly like a LEGO advert, but Wanda recloses to Hex to save them. You know, what? I’m still not sure why it’s hexagonal. I wouldn’t question it being round, or quadrilateral, but hexagonal seems too intentional.
Agatha blasts the family with magic, and Wanda shields them, but Agatha absorbs the power. SWORD vehicles roll into the square, hayward in one, having apparently managed to cross the border before Wanda closed it again. White Vision rolls into the scene and slams Red Vision through the walls of and into a library, and Red stops White attacking him by explaining that he is not the true Vision, because he’s just Wanda’s version.
Wanda flies up, again after Agatha, while the twins use their powers to take away SWORD’s guns, and Hayward comes out with a pistol, which he fires at them, but Monica, having freed herself from Ralph, blocks the bullets. They ripple through her body, and pass through, but fall to the ground as her eyes glow orange. As Hayward drives back, then revs up to apparently run them over, Darcy, in the circus van, slams his vehicle into the side of a building.
We cut to the Vision’s pondering the Ship of Theseus--a philosophical thought experiment. If the Ship of Theseus has one of its planks replaced, it remains the Ship of Theseus. But, if all the planks are replaced over time, is it still the same ship? And what if the old planks are reassembled into another ship; which is then the true ship? This is a metaphor for the two Vision’s--White being the reassembly of the old planks, and Red being the replaced.
Red Vision proposes that the true ship is the one touched by Theseus himself, with the wear and tear, suggesting White Vision is the true one, because he has the memories Red doesn’t; the one touched by Wanda. White Vision claims he does not have the memories, but Red tells him his data banks are not so easily wiped--they’re there, just withheld. White allows Red to do his zappy thing, and the memories of everything Vision went through pre-WandaVision comes back to him. White says he is the true Vision, and flies away through the roof.
Meanwhile, Wanda sneaks up behind Agnes and does the nightmare-mind thing she did to the Avengers at the beginning of Avengers: Age of Ultron, sending her mind to the stake at the opening of episode 8. The desiccated witches rise, but instead turn on Wanda, calling her a witch, again, and again. The witches wrest Wanda onto the stake instead, but a red crown, like the blue on Agatha’s mother in episode 8, materialises on her head, formed of the same light as her magic. It’s really jarring at this point that she’s still in a hoodie and sweatpants.
Wanda blasts away the other witches, and they emerge from the nightmare, back to Westview. She and Agatha rise, blast magic at one another, and Wanda’s hands blacken further as Agatha absorbs more and more. She sends a blast at one of Westview’s walls, and a spot ripples in the middle of each.
Wanda’s face seems to age, like the witches of Agatha’s coven, and Agatha absorbs streams of magic, until Wanda has none left. She gives her some depressing lecture, then tries to blast Wanda out of the sky, but it doesn’t work. Her hands begin to blacken, and Wanda’s face youthens, then the camera pans to reveal runes on Westview’s walls, like those in the basement, now disabling Agatha’s magic. Little confused how Wanda stayed flying when Agatha took her power, and how Agatha now stays flying.
The red crown reappears on Wanda’s head, her eyes glow, she reabsorbs her power from Agatha, and, as she does, she changes. Her hair comes down, and she becomes the silhouette she saw in the Mind Stone at HYDRA, finally getting a Scarlet Witch costume, and it is epic.
They return to the ground, and Wanda uses her powers to put Agatha under the control she had the other residents under, to turn her into the Nosy Neighbour once and for all. Wanda leaves Agatha alive, so she could return in future instalments,.
Wanda, Red Vision, and the twins return to their home, and the Hex’s border contracts, until it covers only their street. They put the boys to bed, and Vision begins, ‘Your mother and I...’, and, when I first watched this, I really thought he was going to say ‘...are getting a divorce,’ but he simply finishes, ‘...are very proud of you both.’
Wanda says that ‘a family is forever,’ clearly already in mourning for the children she’s about to lose. They finish up, the border continues contracting, and Wanda turns off the lamps in the living room, though Vision turns one on, to say goodbye. As the border progresses towards them, Vision asks what he is, and says some literal and romantic crap; they kiss, talk a little, and he breaks apart as the border reaches them, and the house returns to the empty plot it once was.
Wanda is left standing exactly how she was before she formed the Hex, same hair, same clothes, puts up her hood, and walks into town. where the people glare as she approaches Monica, who says, ‘They’ll never know what you sacrificed for them.’ They have a classic series-wrap-up conversation, then Wanda shifts into her Scarlet Witch outfit, and flies away.
Mid-credits scene; we see Jimmy just after the debrief, Hayward is put in handcuffs, and Monica is called into the theatre, where she meets someone wearing a police badge, who shifts into a skrull. The skrull says a friend of Monica’s mother’s would like to meet with her, presumably Talos, and when Monica asks where, she just points up.
And an end-credits scene opens in a pan shot, zooming to a cabin by a lake in the woods, where Wanda, dressed in sweats, sits on the porch with a mug. We follow her inside as the kettle whistles, but the camera continues into the bedroom, where her astral form sits, dressed as the Scarlet Witch, with the Darkhold, the book Agatha had. When we see Doctor Strange astral-project, his body falls unconscious, and this truly proves the Scarlet Witch is more powerful than the Sorcerer Supreme, as aforementioned.
This series really solidified my love for Wanda and Vision--Wanda, who I liked before, but mostly because of her powers than her character, which lacked development, and Vision, who I kinda hated because of his moral-high-ground bullshit, but who I now love--brought back fan favourites Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo, and set up Monica’s future plotlines. In truth, I liked Agatha better before she went full-witch mode, but she was an enjoyable villain. Hayward, on the other hand, was someone easy to hate, but not to such a level it was fun to hate him.
Every episode kept me on my feet, and every week I screamed I couldn’t wait for another. Part of my love for this was because we’d had no MCU content since July 2019, with Spider-Man: Far From Home, but it was just such excellent storytelling. Though the climax was a little disappointing, it was still more entertaining than most action sequences, where things happen so quickly I just zone out, and the visuals were incredible. I loved the sitcoms, and the differentiation at the end. Episode 4 was the perfect time to finally give us some form of explanation.
Basically, watch this damn show. Though I’d be surprised if you got this far without watching it. Watch it, make everyone else watch it, and, writers, take notes. The best stories are the ones with excellent characters and an excellent plot, and WandaVision mastered it.
#wandavision#marvel#mcu#avengers#marvel cinematic universe#disney#disney plus#disney+#the avengers#wanda#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#vision#quicksilver#pietro maximoff#the vision#maximoff#tv review#tv show review#show review#programme review#program review#series review#movie review#series#tv show#tv shows#movies#books
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play date - CHAPTER TWO
bokuto koutarou x akaashi keiji
Bokuto gets set up with someone called a play date. What happens if his so-called play date is someone he knew very well? Chaos occurs.
tags: fluff, angst, fake dating, timskip hq, msby!bokuto
a/n: posted the whole fic on ao3! give it a read
one | two | three |
Feeling lonely? Need a date? Or simply someone to be with?
Worry no more because PLAY DATE has got you covered!
PLAY DATE, as defined by Merriam Webster, is an arrangement for children to spend time together and play.
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Akaashi reaches for the remote to turn the television off.
Meanwhile, Bokuto is still staring in disbelief due to the sudden turn of events. The silence in the room is unquestionable. It takes a while for Bokuto to speak up.
“Wait, I didn’t even sign up for this. I don’t understand.”
Akaashi furrows his brows. “You didn’t?”
Bokuto nods. “How long have you been doing this, Akaashi?”
“Uh,” Akaashi starts fiddling with his fingers. “For a while now.”
“Oh.” is all Bokuto can say.
Actually, Bokuto does not know if he should say anything at this point. He’s confused about the whole situation.
“I haven’t seen you in like years,” Bokuto says. “I didn’t expect to run to you like this.”
Akaashi just lets out a soft laugh. “Me too. It’s an odd job, to be honest.”
“But it’s actually decent and pays well.” He adds. “I'm earning up for something."
“Oh wow, that’s cool.” Bokuto gives him a smile.
Silence again.
“Are you feeling better now, Bokuto-san?”
Bokuto nods.
Akaashi stands up from the couch and gets the bouquet of flowers on the table. “These are for you.”
“U-um, thanks.” Bokuto hopes that he doesn’t notice how flustered he is right now.
“Uh, I hope you like it.” Akaashi scratches his neck. “I remembered that you like baby’s breath. That’s why I chose that. Was I correct?”
“Y-yes. These are my favorite.” God, Bokuto just wants to dig his own grave right now out of embarrassment. “Thank you again.”
“Bokuto-san, get ready.” Akaashi ruffles his hair. “Let’s go on a date.”
Bokuto’s breath hitches. “H-huh?”
“It’s part of the contract.” Oh.
“I-I don’t know how to feel about this yet,” Bokuto exclaims. “I’m still confused. Why you?”
Bokuto swears he sees the change on Akaashi’s face. He feels guilty by his words.
“I can request a different play date for you if you’d like.”
“No!” Bokuto stands up from his seat. “Please don’t take it the wrong way. It’s just,”
“I’m just shocked. That’s all.” He explains. “I mean, our friendship… you know… we kind of lost communication with each other. Now, we’re here. I’m just, I feel guilty. I feel really guilty, Akaashi.” The crack in Bokuto’s voice is heard when he mentions his name.
Tears start to form in his eyes and Bokuto tries his best to not let a single tear drop. He turns around, back facing Akaashi, and wipes his eyes.
Once he’s calm, he faces Akaashi again.
“Bokuto-san, the past does not matter to me anymore. I do understand that we both have our own priorities.” Akaashi starts.
“Just so you know, what I’m doing here is work-related and nothing else. Even though the intention of this service is intimate, it should still remain professional.” He adds. “Meaning, no personal feelings involved.”
Bokuto gulps.
No personal feelings involved.
“Yes, I understand that.” Bokuto exhales and lowers his head. “I’m sorry, Akaashi.”
“It’s okay,” Akaashi replies. “I told you, it’s the past.”
“Okay.”
“Do you know who inquired about this play date for me?” Bokuto asks.
“Unfortunately, no,” Akaashi says. “You can call PLAY DATE at 801-805-PLAY—”
“Okay, I’ll just request for a refund—”
“That can’t do.” Akaashi cuts him off. “This service is non-refundable. It’s part of the contract.”
“What?”
“Like what I’ve said earlier, if you don’t feel comfortable having me as your play date. I can request a change of play date for you.” He explains. Akaashi pulls out his phone to dial the number. “You have the option to do that since you’re subscribed to a three month period with play date—”
“WHAT?” Bokuto shrieks. “Did I hear it right? Three months?”
“Yes, but not every day in those three months.”
Akaashi coughs. “We can set up our meeting schedule. Every other day, three times a week, whatever feels best for you. I’ll adjust.”
“If you really oppose this idea then we can just not meet each other. Although it’s against the rules and I’m the only one getting benefit if that happens because I’ll still get paid.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Bokuto says. “I thought it was like a one-time thing, like a free trial or something.”
“It’s not, Bokuto-san. Again, you can request a different play date or stick with me for the next three months.”
“The three-month subscription is quite expensive, I have to admit.” Akaashi gives Bokuto a look. “But it also comes with inclusions such as gifts and dates.”
“And if a client signs up for a three month period, which is also the service’s maximum period, the agency picks the rank A play dates for the clients,” Akaashi adds. “Here I am.”
“Therefore, Bokuto-san, I won’t disappoint since I am a rank A play date.”
Bokuto has his mouth agape for a while now.
“This service is non-refundable. Since it wasn’t you who signed up for this service,” Akaashi says. “You better put that person’s money into good use.”
“So, Bokuto-san,” The way Akaashi’s voice sounds deeper than before gets Bokuto feeling nervous and intimidated. “Are you going to call the agency and request a change of play date?”
“Or are you going out on a date with me?”
Where is the Akaashi’s confidence coming from? Because Bokuto has never felt this hot and bothered.
No personal feelings involved.
Honestly, Bokuto has no choice. He could just go for the illegal option that Akaashi suggested and not meet with the play date at all. But he then thinks of the price that the person paid for the service.
Bokuto probably thinks that the person who paid sees him as a desperate man looking for a significant other.
Bokuto scoffs at that thought.
But Akaashi is his play date.
He can’t let the opportunity go.
This could be his chance.
“I’ll go get ready.” Bokuto says. “Give me thirty minutes.”
He leaves the living room and heads to his room.
“Okay.” Akaashi nods. “You still reek of alcohol so take your time.”
“Akaashi!” Bokuto yells from his bedroom. “I am your client. ”
Bokuto slams the door playfully.
It’s unfortunate that Bokuto didn't hear the giggle coming from Akaashi.
On the other side of the door, Bokuto stares into space. He couldn’t believe what had just happened.
And god, did he really smell like alcohol when Akaashi was there?
Bokuto rolls his eyes and retrieves his phone resting at the counter.
The usual notifications from the team’s group chat take up the most notifications and others are from his social media accounts.
But a text from a certain teammate gets him fuming.
[Tsum-Tsum] 11:45 AM:
I hope you liked my present, Bo-kun! :)
[Bokuto] 12:51 PM:
Count your days, Miya.
#haikyuu#haikyuu imagine#haikyuu fic#bokuto x akaashi#BokuAka#bokuaka fic#bokuto imagine#akaashi imagine#Bokuto Koutarou#akaashi keiji#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu angst
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so shit’s fucked
here is a timeline
09/03/2019.
two people in a 70 person server discuss the SU movie in the general chat channel, using spoiler tags because it had just recently been released. this lasts five posts.
09/07/2019.
alyson comes into the general chat channel and says man, isn’t it a bummer that SU is n*zi apologia and racist and actively harmful?
Donnie says yes, it’s harmful, but drop the n*zi comment because RS is jewish (alyson does not, then or the other two times donnie asks, despite donnie being jewish himself). He later says he doesn’t care about SU at all
Synth says it’s understandable that people would drop the show because of poor handling or the racism issues, but agrees that n*zi is too far when there’s genuine propaganda out there
Beta says yes, the writers could have handled things better, but reducing the message of the show to “n*zi good” is a deliberate misinterpretation
A fourth person comes in briefly to say they also don’t care about SU and that this should probably be in the discourse channel.
About halfway through the conversation, after his second request to stop calling SU apologia was met with a sourceless insistence that other jewish people criticized it (though alyson did not specify whether they used the term n*zi apologia), Donnie told her she was taking this very personally, which Alyson met with “Am I? I said a thing, said it was unpopular, and left it. and then got swarmed?”
At this point she held ~46% of the conversation.
She then abruptly left, saying, “like. Hooooboy, there's so much assuming and passion and defensiveness going on here, so I guess I'll leave since I've seen this all before and know for a fact that no one is going to let it rest.“
She held 41% of the final conversation. Everyone who weighed in was either explicitly open to criticizing SU or completely indifferent, and were simply asking her not to refer to the work of a Jewish nb woman as n*zi apologia.
09/10/2019
Alyson writes a post. The introduction is more or less “if you uncritically like SU, unfollow me” and goes on to say she underestimated how few people in the neopets fandom recognize its harmfulness. She says she’d been thinking about leaving the Neolodge discord for a while, but her mind was made up on the 3rd when she saw "a lot of hype and support" (5 posts), four full days before she posted in the general chat. She says she "was swarmed by questions asked by people who didn't want to hear [her] answers." (there were two questions asked of her: “did you just kind of want to get mad at us for enjoying steven universe?” and “were you venting?")
She says that SU is her “litmus test” of sorts, implying--possibly by accident--that she was then testing the Neolodge by dangling some SU-discoursey bait.
The post was tagged #the problem isn’t liking a thing and #it's denying anyone from not-liking it for very valid reasons
Except the problem was demonstrated to be specifically that she was asked not to use a particular term to describe that not-like
7 months later, 4/16/2019
There is a Neolodge board on our own neopets.gov. Alyson shows up and is polite & sociable until more people that she recognizes filter in. She neomails hollis to broach the subject of what had happened in september, saying “from what i remember it was mostly synth who was very reactionary and aggressively posting at me because i criticised steven universe“ which, if you’ll review the logs, is both not about synth, who only posted twice (probably an honest mistake), but also grossly mischaracterizes the nature of the incident. Over the next day or so she and Hollis discuss the nature of the lodge and what transpired in September. Hollis emphasizes that the Neolodge has never been a place for bigots or their sympathizers, and Alyson goes radio silent.
4/24/2019
Alyson writes a new post. It tells a different narrative than we see play out in the logs. Her summary of events is as follows:
So, when wondering on the chat if anyone else was critical of the franchise, instead the chat suddenly sped up and i was swarmed by a bunch of anti-criticism fans who almost immediately -instead of reading my beginning attempts to elaborate on where i was coming from- posted over and over again that rebecca sugar is a marginalized voice and as such, immune to criticism, and how dare I insinuate a jewish woman of writing nazi apologia.
To reiterate, she began a discussion. Every person who responded was either openly critical of SU or indifferent. They were not suggesting RS is immune to criticism because she’s marginalized; they were in fact largely agreeing with the criticisms that Alyson raised, but asking her to be more conscious of the impact her choice of terms could have (and in fact was having).
I (a neurodivergent, mentally ill, pansexual aromantic woman, aka also a marginalized voice) was talked over and treated as if i ate babies. Obviously, I left the neolodge discord after that.
Again, she held 41% of the conversation--and by her own admission had already been planning to leave the Neolodge, and had thrown down this final ‘litmus test’ despite not wanting to engage with the results.
Now, obviously marginalization isn’t a contest. There’s no “I have more problems” or “I have worse problems” that will ever get us anywhere constructive. As I said in my own reply to her post, this was not a matter of RS being untouchable because she’s marginalized, but of Alyson’s behavior when asked not to draw the comparison between RS’s work and literal N*zi apologia.
Hollis refused to read and think about what i had said and the information i linked to, despite apparently going back in the discord chat and viewing the whole mess, where i had also laid out information to back up my observations. Instead, my voice talked over, my words and concerns discarded, I was treated as if I had committed some heinous act, and if i had changed as a person then maybe they might let me back in to the neolodge.
Now being privy to the entire conversation, I can assure anyone reading this that Hollis read & thought about everything Alyson said very seriously. We had an in-depth and nuanced discussion, and ultimately realized that this was not simply a matter of whether or not SU is a poorly handled cartoon or full-on apologia. It was a matter of Alyson’s unwillingness to engage in a discussion she herself began, her repeated refusals to respect the comfort and wishes of our Jewish members, and her later misconstruals of the conversation as a ‘bombardment’.
Alyson insists she did not call RS a n*zi, and that critiquing the show is not equivalent to doing so, but unfortunately ended that thought with this:
Words mean things: look up apologia.
Now, I’ve already pointed this out, but apologia means “a formal written defense of one’s opinions or conduct.” Thus, every time Alyson has insisted SU is actual, literal N*zi apologia, she means that a Jewish nonbinary woman conceived of and executed an explicit defense of fascism, n*zis, the H*locaust, regardless of how involved she was or wasn’t in the production of the show itself.
Personally, I choose to believe that Alyson herself is unaware of the definition, and instead meant that SU makes excuses for fascism, or alludes to n*zis, or much gentler (if still harmful) language. I choose to believe that she’s conflating it with an apology, and simply didn’t follow her own advice.
The Neolodge is home to actual children/minors/underage people and most of the people in the incident were younger than 21. That is children. I was getting annoyed at young non-adults.
This is blatantly false. The Neolodge has always been a minor-free space, and there’s been discussion of upping the minimum age to 20. That Alyson herself is 30 may have skewed her perception, but as you can see in our response to this angry anon, we have always been concerned with the protection of minors & the promotion of a safe, comfortable atmosphere.
Alyson goes on to say that she had liked & trusted Hollis, and this came with no prior warning--presumably because Hollis had been polite and even friendly when she came to our board, and they hadn’t interacted much over the previous months since her exit from the discord.
So if you’re like me, and don’t put up with bullshit, and refuse to lie down and let bigotry get further footholds into western culture and be lauded for it, consider staying away from the neolodge and users like hollis and synthaphone
I still don’t quite understand how we got here, tbh. People standing up against a stark refusal to respect someone’s comfort as a Jewish person has somehow been skewed to mean they’re the bigots, and “western culture” is in danger, specifically from this gay nb & their nefarious lesbian pal, who spoke the least of anyone in the conversation.
I can’t speak to what’s going through her head right now. I don’t even know if she read the replies enough to know she was spreading misinformation about the Lodge’s age restrictions, let alone her (hopefully accidentally) drawing an obliquely antisemetic portrait of RS. I’m not even mad at her at the moment so much as confused. I genuinely don’t understand her rationale or what she thinks would motivate us to do the things she says we’ve done. I don’t think she’s a bad person, or even that her actions would be unfair if the situation were what she’s purported it to be.
But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. She tried to start a fight seven months ago and has been hanging onto it since, convinced that she was in the right, never considering the express opinions of the people she claimed were so passionate about the show she so loathes. She’s attempting to drag Hollis’s name through the mud because they were kind enough to give her a chance to explain her side of things & she squandered it by instead parroting the talking points of the video we had all watched back in September, when she originally posted it.
She’s throwing Synth in for good measure, because they’re the only person she could be bothered to identify.
It’s not a true account of events, she made no effort to have a good-faith conversation at any point (particularly about her own behavior), and frankly it’s unfair. It’s easy to dump snippets of DMs and announce that you’re blocking anyone who disagrees with you, sure--it can even be good for you. But in this case it’s more of what we saw all those months ago in the discord, when she tried to stir the pot and left after scarcely 30 posts had gone by; it’s cowardice. It’s a way to frame the narrative in such a way that she can maintain her illusion of moral superiority, secure in the knowledge that everyone who has criticized her or her behavior is a bigot and and writes n*zi "apologia” apologia.
She’s isolating herself from the community one group at a time, and I still don’t know why, because she won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk to any of us about anything that isn’t SU, and I don’t care about SU. I care about her & her motivations, and I’m starting to accept I’m never going to truly know either.
#neolodge#neotag#skidget#cthulhusquid#bam-monsterhospital#drama#long posts#i did math for this you guys#you don't understand
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TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 4 of 26
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Title: Finch (Ambergris #3) (2009)
Author: Jeff VanderMeer
Genre/Tags: Weird, Noir, Mystery, Cosmic Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction (ish), Cyberpunk Dystopia (non-traditional), Mushroompunk (yeah), Third Person, Unreliable Narrator.
Rating: 9/10
Date Began: 2/02/2020
Date Finished: 2/10/2020
Years after the events of Shriek, the gray caps– strange, fungal denizens of Ambergris’ underground– stage a hostile takeover of the city. Now living under an oppressive surveillance state, the last remaining humans eke out an existence surviving at the mercy of their new overlords, enslaved in work camps, or transformed into fungus-enhanced hybrids called Partials. The last remnants of the resistance, led by the mysterious Lady in Blue, disappeared years ago.
Enter Finch, a detective tasked with investigating an impossible double murder case– one human and one gray cap. Things take a turn for the strange when factions throughout the city take an interest, and Finch soon finds himself trapped in a web of conspiracy, danger, and deceit.
The past didn’t seem like another world. The past seemed like it had never happened. Couldn’t have happened. The leap to this too hideous, too nightmarish. Better to have no past at all.
Finch was by far my favorite of this “trilogy”. VanderMeer incorporates several disparate genres to create an eerie and haunting drama. The previous two books, while good, always have a layer of disconnect from the action of the story. Not so here -- this is the first entry that feels truly direct and gritty. Ambergris as a setting is omnipresent and oppressive. As I read, it felt like I was living and breathing the city in all its disorienting and claustrophobic glory. I could practically feel each fungal growth creeping up my wall.
I found Finch to be an interesting perspective character. You learn early on that he’s not who he seems to be, with hints and allusions to his past. It all comes together brilliantly over the course of the novel. "Playing roles" is a running theme throughout the story, and it's very satisfying to see all the ways it plays out, so to speak, with Finch in particular.
Technically this book is a standalone! Until it's not. Definitely read the first two before Finch, even though Finch is the best one, because otherwise most subtleties and twists will be lost on you. This book finally answers interesting lore questions which have been hanging from the beginning. There are also references to the other books all over the damn place.
So, some basic things to talk about. As my earlier observation implies, Finch is the most traditional story of the “trilogy”. Both City of Saints and Madmen and Shriek: An Afterword are experimental and postmodern. Finch really... isn’t? It’s not exactly a NORMAL book, but it’s as standard as these books get. The most “experimental” thing about Finch is the sheer number of sentence fragments in the narrative, but that’s more of a nod to the noir genre than anything else (though it does have symbolic meaning as well).
While I tend to like experimental styles, in this case it held the series back. When Ambergris is unleashed and experienced directly, as in this novel, it finally has a chance to shine in its full glory. I didn’t know what was missing until I read Finch and felt it firsthand.
Side note -- I totally called foreshadowing in my City of Saints and Madmen review. The version of Ambergris described in “The Man Who Had No Eyes” is ABSOLUTELY the version in which Finch takes place. So Finch was in some capacity planned from the beginning, which is good to know. And it was hidden in plain sight via a story written in code. That’s the good shit.
Finch does make great use of plot twists; there’s quite a few and they feel natural. They aren’t so much surprising as “Huh. Well, that makes sense”. One, however, did totally blindside me. Halfway through the book we learn the identity of the dead man in the murder case. While I did guess his identity early on, there’s a second part to the twist that caught me totally of guard. Like... there was something off, but I totally failed to guess or even think about it that much. So I did get sucker punched there, but it was a good feeling. I love when a book or story pulls that off.
I mentioned one of the themes -- “playing roles” -- above. While that was my favorite recurring theme, there’s quite a few of them and I can’t understate the others. Doors, remembering and forgetting, falling (from a great height), playing both sides... without getting into too much spoilery detail, I thought these were incorporated very well into the story. So if you do read it, definitely keep an eye out for these. As for me, I’m willing to bet Finch is a great reread.
If I had to nitpick this book, my biggest challenge was the characters. Some of them are brilliant and well-utilized, like Bliss (who seems fairly minor at first), Wyte, Sintra, or even Rathven and The Photographer. Other characters just kind of... fall flat for me? The other detectives were hard to differentiate in a meaningful way. The Lady in Blue gets a ton of buildup, but she’s really only there for a handful of continuous (albeit memorable) scenes. Heretic and the other gray caps are creepy, but they all but disappear partway through the story, which feels wrong based on the premise. The Partials replace them as the creepy antagonistic force (in terms of this story, anyway), but really didn’t feel like they had the buildup, backstory, or execution to be as effective.
Other than that, though, I really enjoyed Finch. Definitely my favorite read of 2020 so far. As I read, I used little Post-It tabs to mark parts that felt interesting/relevant/foreshadow-y, then went back through when I finished and reread those sections. I think it really enhanced my experience with the novel, so I’m going to do that with the other books going forward.
While Finch was great, I can only recommend it if you read the other two books and are interested in an (excellent) conclusion for the series. Unfortunately, it’s hard to get even a used copy of this book for a reasonable price. It had a limited indie print run in the US and UK back in 2009 and 2011. It took a lot of digging/eBay stalking to find something under the $45 range. Since the other two books have seen reprints, I’m hoping Finch gets the same treatment, because in my opinion it’s the best in the series.
#taylor reads#9/10#2020 reading challenge#me waking up in a cold sweat: this is the bioshock infinite of ambergris. no i will not elaborate on that
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